Recubo ut Servo Visio

My motto is recubo ut servo visio which is lie to save face in poorly translated Latin. But that is not why I was lying on Thursday so I think I should put the record straight.

1. When taking a group of year 7's for a primary school to high school support day I made a child cry by playing Parkway Drive

You guys guessed right. This one's false. It was actually my frienemy (friend-enemy) who did this. But I'm sad to say I'm not as nice as you think. Since this happened I have played Parkway Drive to little kids many times trying to replicated. Most of them just go Uh huh and raise their eyebrow at me.

2. When I was seven I scared my fish so much he knocked himself unconscious and we had to jam him between two rocks so he wouldn't float to the surface and suffocate.

You're right. This is true. I was pulling faces at the fish tank and it scared him so much he ran into a rock and knocked himself out. I've felt that I shouldn't go near animals ever since.

3. When I was in year six my friend had her Russ dog stuffed toy stolen and we staged a full scale investigation that included interrogations and dusting for prints.

False. For starters, it was my Russ dog that was stolen. I never staged a full scale investigation because when I told the teacher a girl in my class "mysteriously" found it in her school bag.

4. During this investigation 10-year-old Penguins made the cleaning lady cry.

Since the last one was false. this one obviously is too. The only thing I've ever done to a cleaning lady was clean the room for her before she arrive. She obviously noticed since there was a thank you not there the next morning.

5. I am married to my sister

Zella has been paying attention! This is obviously false (eew) but I did marry my e-sister on Facebook. Basically she sent me a sibling request and after I accepted I asked her if she wanted to find out if Facebook allowed incest. It does. Unfortunately Facebook does not take so kindly to bigamy.

6. When I was 7 I bit my tongue in half.

Things are about to get awkward for Tom Parker. This is half true. I did, in fact bite my tongue in half but I was nine, not seven. While playing a mean game of dodge ball I jumped of the slide while sticking out my tongue at the the person who was in. I hit my chin and bit my tongue in half. It hurt. There was lots of blood. I had to have it sown back together. (Feeling a little uncomfortable now, Tom?)

7. I once woke my brother up in the middle of the night for apparently singing the Pokemon theme song in my sleep. I don't even know the Pokemon theme song.

A blatant lie! I have never sung in my sleep and have never woken my brother by singing in my sleep. And I know EVERY word to the Pokemon theme song. And the PokeRAP. And the Digimon theme song. And... I need a life...