Saturday, March 19

Story Saturday: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Part One

The Chairman’s Journal.

March 19th, 2011.

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' And I'll look down, and whisper 'no.' They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men. Decent men, who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloody hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers, and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say.

All we can do now is break it down and start again.

Penguins threw down the diary and looked around the deserted room. Only hours before the room would have been full of activity, but now only a table, an empty bookshelf and a couple of chairs remained. “He’s always one step ahead of us.”

“We could have been here on time but you just had to stop at that bakery.” Till Hammerette snapped.

“I had to stop!” Penguins argued. “It’s not everyday you see a 24 hour bakery!”

“Don’t worry.” Super Laura smiled. “We’ll catch him next time.” Till Hammerette turned to glare at her but Penguins nodded enthusiastically.

“Look, we even have a clue” Penguins pointed to the diary. “Don’t you think it’s lucky he forgot this?”

Till Hammerette rolled her eyes, “He obviously left it behind on purpose to taunt us, Penguins.”

“Holy plot-twist, Till!” Laura exclaimed, “You really think so?”

Even so, Penguins thought that there might be something useful in the Chairman’s diary. Even if he had left it there on purpose, it was still a clue. She handed the diary to Till, “Have a look through it anyway. There might be something useful.” Till took the book but glared back grudgingly. Penguins turned to Laura, “Let’s look for clues in the next room.”

It didn’t take long for the pair to come across a trapdoor hidden beneath a rug. Penguins and Super Laura exchanged a look. “Well? Do we go down?” Penguins asked Laura.

Do they go down? Time to “Choose Your Way”!

Do Laura and Penguins

a) Go down the trapdoor

b) Go back and get Till Hammerette

Does Till Hammerette

a) Grudgingly look over the diary like Penguins told her

b) Screw Penguins and the diary and go search for The Chairman on her own


Everyone can vote on what each character will do but the person who the character is BASED ON will have their vote counted for two.

Tell me your choice in the comments.

Depending on how many votes I get the next installment will either be tomorrow or the next day.

(Also, bonus points to whoever knows where the diary entry is from)

Thursday, March 17

Irrational Fears

I know I've done a list of scary things before but these aren't just scary things, these are things I'm seriously and ridiculously scared of and irrationally paranoid about. Also, recycling old blog posts is what I do best.
  1. Zombies: Did you know there is a type of virus in the Amazon that controls the minds of ants? And according to the Chairman there is a type of parasite that lives in rats but only breeds in the intestines of cats so it infects the rats brain and makes it run towards the cat instead of away? Zombies are real and its totally likely that human varieties will become possible. I have a zompocalypse plan and a back up plan (Bunnings Warehouse).
  2. Velocoraptors: I was watching some ridiculous countdown show and it said that Jurassic Park had been "scientifically proven" to be one of the most likely Sci-Fi movies to come true, after all, we do have cloning techniques and preserved specimens of dinosaur DNA. All we need now is someone dumb enough to try cloning one. And seriously people, velocoraptors CAN OPEN DOORS! What isn't to fear?
  3. Evil ninjas with jetpacks: Watching GI-Joe with the Chairman and he made some comment that I can't even remember now and OMG!! Suddenly Evil ninjas with jetpacks were the most terrifying thing imaginable. Imagine coming up against an evil ninja with a jetpack? You just couldn't fight that thing.
  4. the Corpse Dancing crow from InuYasha that lives in the tree outside my window: Also known as the Shibugarasu this is a Crow demon that possesses corpses and controls them. And it lives outside my window. I swear, it looks just like it. I liked crows before I met this thing, now I freak out every time I hear one.
  5. Jack Nicholson: How is this man not terrifying? Even when he's older he's still terrifying? Doesn't his face say "I'm going to murder you in your sleep, and there is nothing you can do about it." He was a volunteer firefighter and really did break down that door in the Shining (and he destroyed the prop door in one swing!). Now I know not even a fire door could keep an axe wielding Jack Nicholson at bey and that's the type of Jack Nicholson you most want to keep at bey (followed by the Joker and the mobster from the Departed). Despite this, he is a brilliant actor and I love his stuff (but I still almost wet myself in the Bucket List).
  6. Wrists: They're all veiny and... um... I cannot explain, let alone justify, this fear.