My Revised List of Fictional Guys

Some people may remember my "I Prefer Guys Who Don't Exist" post from back in September last year? Well, after an 60+ comment argument with a friend on Facebook I realised I'd left quite a few guys off my list and have decided to update it. I should tell you that this argument was mainly me and my friend (who is listed as both my sister and wife on Facebook) arguing over who gets which Disney prince. The argument involved Napalm threats, page long rants of "MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE", something my brother's like to know as Skully's Rant and Robocop riding a unicorn. Eventually we came to the conclusion that I get Aladdin and the Beast and she gets Prince Eric, Dimitri (not quite Disney, but oh well), and John Smith. Someone else who came in half way through gets Shang.

But anyway, onto my revised list of fictional crushes.

• Aladdin: This guy is loving and caring without being smothering and he is so cute when he asks Jasmine out for a magic carpet ride.
• Artemis Fowl: This is a crush from a while ago. I especially like him in the first book when he's still the villain. And he's smart! Who doesn't like an intellectual?
• Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird: Again, smart. And super kind and reliable. The marrying kind.
• Bartamaeus from The Bartamaeus Trilogy: Screw Robin William's genie, Bartamaeus is the world's most hilarious Djinni and for some reason I can't help but fall in love with his cynicism.
• Batman: He's a freakin' SUPERHERO! He's rich, famous, good looking, and his moodiness is sexy.
• Briar Moss from The Circle of Magic series: For years I wanted to get a tattoo like his, but then I realised that mine wouldn't be able to move because I don't have plant magic and they would probably not be using plant based natural inks. Either way, Briar Moss is still simply exceptional.
• Dimitri from Anastasia: I can't believe I lost this guy to her! I'm going to need to win him back some how. Any suggestions people?
• Dr. Horrible from Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog: He is so sweet! I love the nevous, nerdy types. He's cute, he's loving (although a little stalkerish), he likes to think he's evil, he can sing, what more could you want?
• Dustfinger from Inkheart: I don't really know what to say about Dustfinger, except that you know he's going to be sexy because he's a fire-eater.
• Greed/Ling Yao from Full Metal Alchemist: Although the double personality thing may get kind of awkward, I suppose... But I loved them both, even before they were combined in the same body. Greed looks out for his comrades despite his, well, greed, and being a supposedly heartless homoculi. And Ling is just really really cool.
• Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye: You've probably heard enough about how much I love him.
• Indiana Jones: He's an archaeologist people! What's not to love?! (history nut, here). And Harrison Ford was totally hot until my teacher's wife pointed out that he looked like my dad. I've gone off Indie a bit since then...
• John Smith from Pocahontas: One of the most realistic Disney characters I've ever come across. He's clever and awesome and, as Thomas puts it, "the legendary John Smith".
• Kakashi from Naruto: I like my Naruto guys so I've actually omitted a heap Of the more embarassing ones) from this list. Kakashi has the cool guy thing down, but he's actually pretty deep. He's always arriving late places because he spends hours at the memorial for his friend. And he has the best excuses on the planet: "Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the road of life".
• Martin the Warrior from the Redwall Series: So what if he's a mouse? His chivalry is super impressive and I concerntrated my Redwall readings on the one's featuring Martin the Warrior.
• Mello from Death Note: He's probably one of the only characters in this series that doesn't scare the pants off me (besides Matsuda) but he's totally Badass. In fact he's my number one bad boy heart throb. He has the guts to use a gun, not some pissy little note book. And I can't help but sympathise with his "always second" inferiority complex (yes I'm looking at you, Chairman).
• Nat Eaton from the Witch of Blackbird Pond: I first fell in love with him simply because of his name but he is playful and flirtatious and sweet and that makes him so god damn sexy!
• Nathanial from The Bartamaeus Trilogy: I hated his guts beyond belief in the second one but when he finds himself again in the third how could I not fall head over heals for him?
• Pagan from Pagan's Crusade: I don't think I can read a first person narrative with out in a way falling in love with the character. Pagan's thoughts make me laugh so much and never want to leave his side. *Fingers crossed that Pagan becomes real and proposes*.
• Portgas D. Ace from One Piece: *Spoiler Alert* I bawled my eyes out so much when he died! Absolutely no one in the entire One Piece fan base wanted Ace to die. There were even online memorials for him. But his death was really well done. I mean, I cry pretty easily in fiction but One Piece is exceptionally good at making me cry for days and days. RIP Ace you will be missed (and I love you).
• Ren Tsuruga from Skip Beat: *Fangirl scream* Perfect guy. Like so perfect I consider this fictional guy too good for me. People just shouldn't think like that. He's that amazing.
• Roronoa Zoro from One Piece: The only reason I gave up John Smith and Dimitri to my friend was because I had spent the last couple of days swooning over this swordsman pirate. He fights for what he believes in and will sacrifice everything for his friends. His three swords are not compensation, O'Malley, he's just advertising.
• Shikamaru from Naruto: Another smarty. His dream of an average life with an average job and an average life is really appealing to me and I love his laziness.
• The Beast from Beauty and the Beast: is now officially mine! I'm sure Belle puts it well when she sings "There's something sweet and almost kind but he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined and now he's dear and so I'm sure I wonder why I didn't see it there before."
• The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive: I have had a crush on the Flash (Barry Allen, Wally West, Bart Allen, whichever. Although preferably Wally) since I first saw him years and years ago on the Justice League of America. He's funny, clever, caring and Linda Park can go to hell.
• Yukihito Yashiro from Skip Beat: He is so cute! Everyone thinks I'm insane for this one. Why Ren's manager when you could have Ren? Well, because he's adorable and sweet and his wild theories and attempts to set up Ren and Kyoko are so delightfully devious. He's just so CUTE!

I realise that this may have made some of my male followers feel a little awkward but I hope that they are willing to share some of their fictional crushes in the comments. So everyone, who are you in love with and who are you going to fight me for? (You're not going to win, by the way).

Farewell

Just a quick farewell to J.D. Salinger who died today.
As the creater of my greatest crush I want to say thankyou and good by to him.
RIP, Salinger.

"I'm a kind of paranoic in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." - J.D. Salinger.

Wonderful Things I'm Glad Exist

1. Soft rain when on a rollercoaster
2. The sound and smell of rain
3. Getting caught in the rain
4. Dancing barefoot in the rain
5. Rain
6. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
7. Lemonade Iceblocks
8. Red vs. Blue
9. Dan Bergstein Blogging Twilight
10. Rise Against
11. Treasure
12. Good songs that are really long
13. The word cosmonaut
14. Buying a new jacket and finding out months (or years) later that it has hidden pockets and a secret hood.
15. Watches that are more than just watches (for example, ones that look like the omnitrix).
16. Cheap, poorly made, plastic souvenirs.
17. Bat-arangs (Batman's weapon of choice).
18. Funny old people who tell it like it is.
19. Knowing a secret.
20. Pixar.
21. Concerts that start on time.
22. Watching an entire season of a show on DVD in one lazy weekend.
23. Rhinoceroses.
24. Classic fairy tales full of uncensored gruesome details.
25. Motorcycles with sidecars.
26. Free samples.
27. Realizing that there is one more present hidden in the bottom of a gift bag.
28. The gurgle of a water cooler.
29. Reheated pizza for breakfast.
30. Two mirrors that face each other and create the illusion of infinity.
31. Paper airplanes that fly exactly where you want them to fly.
32. Receiving a hand written letter
33. Neatly mown grass around swimming pools (especially with beach towels laid out on the grass)
34. Oxygen
35. Childhood memories
36. Japanese manga
37. Sean Connery's accent
38. Running barefoot outside when it's raining
39. Tophats
40. Procrastination
41. Holden Caulfield
42. Children's shows with subliminal 'adult' messages
43. Winning poker hands
44. Comics
45. Sitting in stairwells
46. Sitting on windowsills
47. Window seats
48. Hammocks
49. The Bartemaeus Trilogy
50. Watching Red vs. Blue during English

I Prefer Guys Who Don't Really Exist

With the approaching release of the next Twilight movie hysteria is once again taking hold the twi-hard fangirls, but now the obsession is not only with Eddie C but also with the gorgeous looking Jacob.

All this Twilight hype has finally made me realise that I'm not actually the only one who has crushes on fictional characters. I know everyone has had one celebrity crush or another but thanks to Twilight it's finally becoming clear that people (besides myself) do fall in love with fictitious characters.

Therefore I've decided to compile of all my fictional love interests for you to laugh at and I hope you'll leave your own fictional infatuations for me in the comments. I'm also very interested to see if any guys have fictional crushes or if its just limited to Megan Fox like with my friends.

Anyway, here's my list, its not exactly complete but I will try to update it:

1. My number one is, of course, Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye. This list will make it obvious that I love troubled guys.
2. Gaara from Naruto. This one's kind of embarrassing so I thought I'd get it out quickly.
3. Itachi from Naruto. What I say? Already three troubled guys on my list.
4. Kakashi from Naruto. Alright, this Naruto business is getting a little ridiculous, so lets just finish up with it; the list also includes Shikamaru.
5. Ulquiorra from Bleach. I like my manga, alright, and I like the fact he's nihilistic (told you I like troubled guys).
6. Mello from Death Note. I guess this one's been coming on for a while but I'm only just realising it. Although he is the most feminine character in appearance he's also the only one with real balls and the only character who doesn't scare me (you know, besides Matsuda)
7. Greed/Ling Yao from Fullmetal Alchemist. This is two awesome guys in one, so that's kind of cool, but I suppose the double personality thing could get a little awkward.
8. Nat Eaton from the Witch of Blackbird Pond. Playful, sexy and flirtatious. And he has a cool name.
9. Any character played by Johnny Depp. I know I said fictional characters but... Johnny Depp!
10. Nathanial by the end of the Bartimaeus trilogy. He may be a jerk most of the way through but by the end, love him! (Bartimaeus is pretty hot too)
11. Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. Is there any character sexier than Atticus Finch? I don't think so. He's a really man. Total heart throb. He's chivalrous and caring and honourable and... I could go on. I also can't wait until Jem grows up (not that that will every happen but still...).
12. The Flash. The world's best superhero who I've been in love with since I was a kid. He's not a pansy like Superman or moody like Batman, he's funny and just plain awesome.
13. Batman. His moodiness is sexy.
14. Pagan from Pagan's Crusade (and the rest of the series). Pagan's hilarious commentary is all I need. I could listen to him all day and happily would, if I got the chance.
15. Martin the Warrior from the Tales of Redwall. So what if he's a mouse?! He's awesome!
16. While we're in the "not-exactly-human" area I'll also mention Nawat Crow from Tricksters choice who was a crow-turned-human
17. And the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. He's so charming and if I were a Disney princess I'd definitely be Belle
18. Artemis Fowl from Artemis Fowl (of course). He's smart and kinda evil, nice with a bad side, and still hot!
19. Demetri from Anastasia. So what if the movie wasn't historically accurate? I love Disney movies and Demetri was gorgeous
20. Indiana Jones. He's an archeologist and he's hot, what more could I want?
21. I'm probably also going to have to add Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist to this list because that automail is really sexy and I love the way he cares for his brother. In fact, add Alphonse Elric as well.
22. Peter Pan, because I'd love to fly away with him to Neverland
23. Dustfinger from Inkheart. That's all I need to say; Dustfinger.
24. The Terminator! That was a joke.
25. Fang from Maximum Ride. Silent, brooding, badboymojo type whose also can be all kind and caring
26. I'd like to add where's Wally just so I can make a joke about him playing had to get.

That's all for now but this list will probable get updated. I really look forward to your replies.

To Laura, my avid reader

This is a response to a comment from Laura. I decided to post it rather than just comment because I felt like it. No one lecture me and tell me how to use my computer. This is directed at you, Chairman.

Laura,
Yeah, I have read Catcher in the Rye. That's the book my beloved Holden Caulfield is from. Yeah, I know, Weird, I'm in love with a fictional character.
Personally I don't think it is really a problem that I'm in love with a fictional character, I'm basically living in a fantasy world.
Catcher in the Rye is probably one of my favourite books (second only to Tales From Outer Suburbia by Shaun Tan. Yeah, I know, a picture book).
When you asked if I'd read it did you want a plot summery or something or just me telling you about how totally awesome, kick-ass, insane, funny and gorgeous Holden is?
Anyway, what's King Dork like?

1984

I'm really into 1984 at the moment (5 chapters into it...). It's just really engaging and interesting and Winston is a very real character. Not that I would be able to get along with him. He's no Holden Caulfield, if you know what I mean... oh dear Holden my beloved... huh? Oops. Got a little distracted there. Uh, where were we. Oh yeah. 1984. Winston just strikes me as a real type of guy, with his bad knee, or was it back? and how he doesn't like needing to use his hands and so forth.

Anyway I'm really enjoying 1984. And as Neil Grant said on Inside-a-Dog "I would switch on Big Brother if George Orwell (author of 1984 and creator of the original Big Brother) rose from the dead and gave Gretel Killeen a hard time."

Running with Holden

I remember some words spoken by my beloved Holden Caulfield of J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye:

I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it

One day I'll run. One day I'll run so hard and so fast that maybe, just maybe, I'll break free. Like Holden I don't know what I'll be running for - or from - just that I need to run. Run and I'll break free.