Bucket Lists!

I've been away for a bit over a week and, while I was planning of giving you a sort of summery of my trip, I am too tired to be bothered with that right now but I do want to post something. So, instead, here's something I've been meaning to post for a while.

Really, I have two bucket lists. I have my "Things to Do Before I Die" list as well as my "I've Just Been Told I Have Weeks to Live" list.

I'll give you them both:

Things to do before I die

1. Buy O'Malley the Superman and Batman Vs Aliens and Predator comic book. Because who doesn't want to buy their brother something that sounds that ridiculously epic?
2. Fall in love
3. Kiss in the rain (romantic much?)
4. Learn Japanese. I love Japanese culture and would love to go to Japan and I would like to be able to read manga in its original form and watch anime without dumb dubbing or subtitles.
5. Hang out in Cargo for a day. Cargo is a small town (about 100 people) in the absolute middle of nowhere but has about a bajillion sign posts directing you to it when I drive from my place to my Grandma's. They say all roads lead to Rome, but they're wrong. All roads lead to Cargo.
6. Bungy jump off a bridge
7. Go to Vietnam, Europe, Britain, The US, Japan and Central America
8. Take mum to France and cruising the Greek Isles. When mum backpacked around Europe she boycotted France because of the Rainbow Warrior and always regretted missing it so one day I'd like to take her there, and the Greek Isles has always been a dream of hers.
9. Hang glide
10. Scuba dive
11. Go to the Triple J café. This is a small cafe that has existed as long as I can remember on the road to visit my Grandma and I have never once stopped at it but have always wanted too. One of the draws is also that it's called the Triple J cafe and that's my favourite radio station.
12. Drive a tractor along Edwardstown road. Look, basically, this road is the most perfect road for tractor driving. It's a thin farmers track that weaves through paddocks and is just asking me to drive a tractor along it. How can I refuse?
13. Attend the major NaNoWriMo write in. Every November during National Novel Writers Month there is a major write-in, a gathering of participants writing together, which people from all over the world attend. I must attend one of these.
14. Go to the Freo markets.
15. Eat seafood on the Freo wharf. I used to live in Perth and some of my fondest memories are from Fremantle. I just want to do those things again before I die.

I've Just Been Told I Have Weeks to Live

If, under the circumstance that I come down with some incurable disease and find out I only have a short time to live, my bucket list is simply the lyrics to I am Dying Tomorrow by the Alkaline Trio, which I know is sort of cheating, but they sum up everything for me.

I'm Dying Tomorrow

I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow
Did I do it right?
Did I remember to sleep in?
Take lots of pills?
Commit irreversible sins?
Did I at least try to kiss the prettiest girl at the right time?
Did I remember to keep your beer as full as mine?
Did I remember to say cheers?
Did I at least try to make sure everybody had a good time?
Had the best time?
Did I remember to stay up late?
Drinking for the fun?
Singing for the taste?
Did I run outside to kiss the rain
Under electrical skies?
I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow

Did I do it right?

Future Wishes

A whitewashed house
Two stories plus a room in the roof
A wooden veranda on three sides. The front the back and the left hand side
A loveseat swing on the front porch
A little table and two chairs out back
A barbeque around the side
It's on a cliff overlooking the ocean
Stairs lead to the beach
There are rose bushes and lavender and three tall towering trees with dark green leaves that turn orange red and gold in the autumn
There is washing on the hills-hoist out the back. A red dress. A pair of jeans. A white shirt with a missing button
The stairs creak as you climb them for the front door.
The front door is blue. A tarnished knocker in the centre and a doorbell that doesn't work by the side.
There are sandy shoes by the door, piled by the doormat. Joggers and thongs.
The sun shines into the kitchen in the morning. Fresh white light while you eat your breakfast at the kitchen table
The toaster always burns the toast. It doesn't matter what you try
The sugar jar is always empty. If you want sugar in your tea or coffee you get a jellybean. White works best.
There is always music playing. There are speakers in every room controlled by a remote no one can ever find. You often wake up to the music. Someone has put a CD or record on. Yes. There's a record machine and a collection of vinyl.
There's a typewriter in the study. It's never been used and the ribbon is dry.
There is a bedroom in the attic.
Bookcases covering almost every wall space in the attic room. Every shelf full and still more books being bought.
There is a window seat in the roof overlooking the garden and the ocean
The floor is wood but there is a rug spread out. A lovely soft one that you love to lie on.
A teddy bear sits on the bed. The same pug-nosed one you've had since you were 13 or something.
The roof is tin so you hear the rain at night.
The rain is like a beautiful grey fog and the puddles are like mirrors.
There are glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling of the bedroom on the second floor.
The bedroom also has little fairy-lights in the ceiling that look like stars and have a "mood dial".
The room opens up onto a balcony and had full length patio doors across the whole wall so you can see the stars and ocean at night.
There's a rope swing hanging from a tall tree in the front yard

What do I wish for most?

What do I wish for most?

For fiction to be real.

I want Holden Caulfield and Peter Pan and Neverland. I want fantasy kingdoms and good versus evil.

I want a world that doesn't exist in reality.

And that's what sucks with being such a romantic.

If I have to be Joan Wilder can't I be her in the second half of Romancing the Stone, after she's met Jack?

Again, my fiction world doesn't exist in reality.

A Conversation of Dreams

"I wish, just once, my dreams would come true.

It only needs to be one of my dreams. Just one."

~"Which one?"~

"Ah, but dreams loose their magical-ness when spoken allowed.

Dreams belong in the cold comfort of the night; in stares out the window; on a shadowy street-scape; dwelled upon at a small cafe with a torn and trashy romance; written and hidden behind a photo frame or in a crack, or thrown into the fire.

Now is not the time to talk about my dreams. The criteria isn't right.

Now we can only sigh silently over what we could have, and share our muted wishes to have unspoken dreams come true."

To Neverland, if only...

I never really wanted to grow up.

If Peter Pan flew up to my window tonight I'd probably fly off with him without any second thoughts. I'd miss my friends and family but, if I remember the story right (which I sort of doubt), I could still visit. I wouldn't stay away forever, just until I'm ready to grow up.

Think about it, I'd be the first Lost Girl.

Ah, but there my imagination is running away on me again. I need to stop living in this fantasy world. Stop dreaming of running away to Neverland, falling under enchantments, and loving Holden Caulfield.

But I can't say I will ever want too...

Running with Holden

I remember some words spoken by my beloved Holden Caulfield of J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye:

I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it

One day I'll run. One day I'll run so hard and so fast that maybe, just maybe, I'll break free. Like Holden I don't know what I'll be running for - or from - just that I need to run. Run and I'll break free.

Life blood

Dreams sustain me. Dreams are my life blood.

Why do I dream?
I dream because I long for excitement, for a change in everyday life. I dream because I need to. Because I need something.
I dream of anything. I long for everything.
When I say dream I mean, think, daydream, imagine...
I crave more to life and that is what I dream of...

I'm not sure what I crave. Just something different. But what?

...and how different does it have to be...?

Have you ever...

Have you ever woken up so unsure about life what seems most real are you dreams the night before.

A poem found inside the cover of a book

If you are a dreamer, come in
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A Hope-er, a Pray-er, a magic-bean buyer
If you're a retender come sit by my fire,
Fore we have some flax-golden tales to spin
Come in
Come in

Shel Silverstein

My Dreamworld Existance

These days I never find myself fully in reality.
I'm either in my own fantasy world or drifting somewhere in between it and reality.
I don't think I could ever escape this dream, I don't think I would ever want to.
I am never really here...