See the Moons of Jupiter with Crazy Scary Lady Tours!!

For as little as 15003 Lima beans you can spend a magical three weeks in an intergalactic world!
This once in a lifetime tour will start at tourist-hating, Communist Cuba where you will enjoy the thrill of a lifetime as you join our staff and crew as we illegally sneek into the Cuban spaceport.
After a quick takeoff and a race with the Cuban authorities you'll be on your way to your final destination - Jupiter!
Following a nights stop over at the astroid belt and a suprise trip to an all you can eat shrimp house on Saturn we arrive at Europa and begin our 18 day tour of Jupiter's wonderous moons.
On this tour you can expect the unmatched experiences of the force labour camps on Io, morning tea on Ganymede with genetically engineered stingy bastards, the heart-stopping excitement of strangleweed wrestling on Callisto, exercise your legs running for your life on Leda while escaping from the Shilik Monko Men, and much, much more!!
Call 06 999 872 11 for more information or to make a booking or email us at jupitermoons@cslt.com
We hope to see you soon!

Safe return is not guarenteed


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Stranded

Today, my computer has been confiscated so I write this from my iPod. My iPod would have been confiscated too except that I use it to time my physio exercises.
My mum decided to steal and hide my computer because she thinks I spend too much time reading manga and not enough time doing said physio exercises. I blame midday movies, not manga. (But how can she take it on a Thursday and a Friday? That's when the new Naruto, Bleach and One Piece come out! And Skip Beat is due out on the weekend!)
Oh well. I still have my iPod so I do have a way around it but I don't think I'll be getting on Sparklife *bursts out in tears*.
if mum was really into getting me off the Internet she should turn of the modem for the wifi. It's on the ground so I can't reach it without being totally stranded (I can't put any weight on my broken leg so standing back up is not an option. Although my friend has already suggested using a Jack to lift myself off the ground).
But that's where I'm at. I may not yet be stranded on the floor, under a table, trying to reach the modem, but I am stranded, housebound, without my computer. So no manga, no Sparklife and no writing that story I was working on.
I guess the only option is to do my physio and win mum's trust back.


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My Life According to Rise Against

Okay, so my friend did this in a note on Facebook for U2 and told me I had to try it. Her U2 one was totally amazing and I didn't have a hope matching that, expecially when there was just one question that I couldn't answer when I tried with AFI. But I changed to Rise Against and was suprisingly sucessful. So check it out:

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Re-post as "my life according to (band name)."

Artist: Rise Against

Are you a male or female: Boy's No Good

Describe yourself: Like the Angel

How do you feel: Under the Knife

Where do you currently live: Whereabouts Unknown

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Anywhere but Here

Your favourite form of transportation: Paper Wings

Your best friend is: Savior

You and your best friends are: Worth Dying For

What's the weather like: Dancing for Rain

Favourite time of day: Halfway There

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: The Art of Losing

What is life to you: Historia Calamitatum (uh... it means the history of my calamities in case you were wondering)

Your relationship: Audience of One

Your fear: Weight of Time

What is the best advice you have to give: Sometimes Selling Out is Giving In

Thought for the Day: Remains of Summer Memories

How would you like to die: Chamber in the Cartridge

My soul's present condition: Everchanging

My motto: Rumours of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated


You should try it yourself. Once you get the right band it's pretty easy (unless you're my brother who tried at least four bands before finally getting Parkway Drive to work for him). It's almost like problem solving but with music so it's heaps of fun (and heaps frustrating). Enjoy.

the Shopping List

Well mum went out hunting for provisions today and told me to write a shopping list. For some reason she didn't buy anything on my list. I'm still not sure why, perhaps you can help me. Here's my shopping list:

• Ice cream
• Chocolate
• Ninja Turtle costume
• Marshmallows
• Strawberries
• Frozen yogurt
• the Life of Brian on DVD
• Chocolate sprinkles
• Transformer stickers (so I can mark all my electronics as Auto-Bots)
• Batman colouring book
• Skittles
• Powerpuff Girls themed yoyo
• Doritos
• Honey Jumbles
• Omnitrix
• Sailormoon pencil tin

I just don't see why she didn't get me anything.

How to Conquer Boredom While in Hospital

I was recently hit by a truck and only just got out of hospital. Okay, I didn't quite get hit by a truck, but pretty much. I was cycling on the wrong side of the road and crashed into an oncoming truck, Totalled my bike and my knee so I had to spend 12 days in hospital and have two operations on my knee. While I was in hospital I wrote this article "How to conquer boredom while in Hospital" which I thought I might send in to Sparklife but am too lazy to edit. So instead I'm giving you the unedited version:

1. Avoid the truck and don't get into hospital in the first place. Best way to dodge hospital boredom? Don't end up in hospital. So listen to me here, children, and obey road rules. They are there for your safety. My mum is furious that I didn't obey to road rules and was seriously begging the police officer to fine me.
2. Use your call button to play songs for the nurses. I don't know about you but my call button made a perfect musical instrument. Start with something simple like Hot Cross Buns and once you've got the hang of it move on to something more difficult, like Zero to Hero from Disney's Hercules. Maybe get the person in the bed beside you to join in, you could have a full orchestra of beeps.
3. Visitors (AKA Whining). We all love visitors, right? And if they don't come willingly spend your whole time on the phone milking them for sympathy (by the way, although I'm home I'm still house-bound so I will be milking you for sympathy in the comments). Feel free to play the "I got hit by a truck" line. I'm also playing on the fact that I missed the concert of my favourite band that I have been waiting for for months. Rise Against, I vow I will make it to your next concert.
4. Memorise the lyrics to every song on your iPod. I'm currently working on Whole New World from Aladdin. If you do this you'll be able to beep out a whole range of songs and sing along to them. I would be awesome.
5. Time how long it takes for a nurse to respond to your call button. The longest I have recorded was well over an hour. The shortest, less than a second. You can guess which nurse I liked better.
6. When ever doing some type of exerting activity sing inspirational songs. Up on crutches for the first time? I was singing Mulan's I'll Make a Man Out of You. Actually, I think I was singing that song most of the time... All of the time... I like that song, okay?
7. Watch Disney movies and listen to their soundtracks. You might not know it about me, but I love my Disney movies and their songs. So if you can get your hands on a way to play them, watch Disney movies. my brothers bought Up for me and it was fantastic. I cried. Also, [spoiler alert] Ellie looks like my Aunt. I also played Disney soundtracks constantly on my iPod. Well, that and the Doctor Horrible soundtrack. But I don't need to tell you to play that. You should already be doing it. Right at this moment. While you read this. And... Ahem. Yes, well, Disney.

So that's how I beat hospital boredom. I hope you're lucky enough never to have to try them out. No getting hit by trucks!

Farewell

Just a quick farewell to J.D. Salinger who died today.
As the creater of my greatest crush I want to say thankyou and good by to him.
RIP, Salinger.

"I'm a kind of paranoic in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." - J.D. Salinger.

I Think it's About Time for a Disney Marathon

I'm currently downloading Disney songs and I was wondering what your favourite Disney songs are? (You cannot read this without posting an answer in the comments. My pet dragon will not let you. He's called Theodore.)

At the moment I'm loving I'll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan. I am seriously dancing and singing to that everywhere I go. "We must be a swift as the coursing river. With the force of a great typhoon. With the strength of the raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon." Who can hear that without pretending to do Kung Fu?

I've obviously already raided the Lion King for Hakuna Matata (the greatest no worries song this side of Three Little Birds), Can You Feel the Love Tonight (my favourite band piece to play on the flute, and a killer love song) and Be Prepared (the most hardcore song from my youth that is actually kind of Nazi now that I think of it...).

Anyways, I couldn't look past A Whole New World from Aladdin (he sounds like such a nervous teenager when he asks her if she wants to go for a magic carpet ride.) And then, when I got that, I had to get Arabian Nights as well, even though the original version was a little racist (well that can be expected of Disney, we did just have a Nazi reference. And these movies have the most horrific death scenes in the world. Hello, the Snow White's step-mother).

Lets see, what else have I gotten...

Of course, I had to get Belle from Beauty and the Beast because I have a strange feeling that song may be about me... (Although my name doesn't mean beauty... It's a flightless bird... Penguins are beautiful, right? Ah, forget it...) And it's one of my favourite fairy tales. It's pretty much the same as Eros and Psyche, my favourite myth. Anyway, today I plan to walk through the streets of my backwards town singing "There must be more than this provincial life."

I've got Colours of the Wind from Pocahontas. I had to do this after my friend accidentally downloaded the instrumental version so now I can rub it in her face and eventually give her the proper version. I think there is another song in this movie that I want but it's been a while since I last saw it so I can't really remember. Actually, it's been a while since I saw any Disney movies. Time for a Disney marathon.

Anastasia is of course a wonderful, yet another historically inaccurate, Disney movie, and since Once Upon a December had been the lullaby I have sung to myself when I can't sleep since I was a kid, it was an obvious choice for download.

And Somehow I also ended up downloading Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty. While definitely not my favourite Disney princess movie (well it's up against Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin), this song is surprisingly unforgettable.

Oh! And how did I forget Tarzan's You'll be in My Heart? I downloaded this song some time back to help me play it on the flute because truthfully I suck with anything musical. (Except remembering lyrics. But that's not useful when your singing sounds like a piglet that has been hit by a semi-trailer.).

Anyway, I think that is my list of currently owned Disney movies. Now I command you to tell me your favourite Disney songs (and movies) so I might be able to download those.

Thanks a bunch. Penguins xxx

Merry Christmas

Okay, so I'm going away over Christmas and I'm assuming this is going to be the last time I can post until after New Year's so I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Have a great holiday and stay safe! I'll see you all next year! 2010!

I don't smoke. There are cooler ways to die.

Ergh! I hate smokers! Expecially ones who don't respect other people who don't smoke.
The smell of cigerette smoke makes me sick. It makes me pale and dizzy and sick on the stomach and people around me ask me if I'm still alive. I do not like it when people smoke!
My friend is a smoker, but he respects the way I feel about it and always asks me first before he lights up. And I make him stand down wind.
But his friend is a smoker too and today I don't think I once saw her without a cigerette in her mouth. Seriously, if she was on top of that mountain from Lord of the Flies instead of the fire the kids would have been rescued straight away. She never let the smoke go out.
And she smoked in the car. And she ignored the fact that I didn't like it and that I was practically unconcious in the back of the car.
I have never met this girl before today but because of her smoking habits there is no way I can force myself to like her. (Also, she took the front seat when I had clearly called shotgun).
Smokers can kill themselves whatever way they want too, but they don't have too take me with them.


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Agnostic

So I'm agnostic.
I guess it's weird that I have such a hard time believing in god when I believe in things like the BFG and Neverland. It's not that I don't believe in god but personally I feel a little envious of people who put all their faith into him. I'd love to have that kind of trust. But I suck at trusting anything.
I feel like god as foresaken me anyway. He has given me no reason to believe in him. When he gives me a miricle I'll give him my faith. I know, I'm an evil cynic for asking for that.
I don't know why fiction is different for me. But Peter Pan just hasn't gotten around to finding me yet, that's all. And so what if the majority of my dreams are nightmares, I still have some good ones, and these are blissful gifts from the BFG. It's because of one of the dreams he gave me that I now believe in fairy princes.
I guess I'm a bit of a sook. Believing in something I know is not true rather than putting my faith in something that may exist and thinking that it has forsaken me.
Anyways, the only thing worse to discuss than religion is politics and the weather, so I might talk about them next time.


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