Tales Featuring the Penguins Demise

On a Serious Note, I Tell You Something Personal

2011-11-23T19:54:00.001+11:00

I feel that it is important for me to confess something personal to you. To explain to you how I am. A lot of you know that I suffer from depression, and I have since I was about thirteen or fourteen. I was at my worst in year eleven, in 2008. But I'm really good and acting normal and not letting it interfere with my life. Or with anyone else's. I'd hate that. If I interfered with someone else's life just because I felt like crap.

I used to tell myself that I was just a little sad, that it wasn't that bad and I'd get over it. It was only when reading old diaries that I realised exactly how bad I was. I am not suicidal, never have been, but I did have a councillor diagnose me with severe depression when I was in year 12 and refer me to a psychologist - who I never went to.

I believe depression is different for everyone. For me depression is a dark, soft creature. The fact that I can only describe it as a metaphor just screams writer, which in turn kind of screams depression. This creature is always sleeping in my stomach. It never goes away. Some of you are aware that I sometimes have these little "breakdowns". Often I will rant on twitter when they happen. This is when the creature wakes and claws it's way up my throat, into my lungs and out my mouth where it sits on my chest, suffocating me. I don't see my depression as a monster or a beast. It's heavy dark creature, as soft as a kitten. But it's got these long sharp teeth that gently bite into my jugular and slowly bleed me out.

This creature terrifies me.

Today the creature stirred and I could feel it clawing it's way up my throat. I'm just thankful I have so many wonderful friends who came and helped me sedate the creature. So thank you, to you all, and maybe one day you'll help take the creature away from me for good.

Story: Percival X and the Mysterious Blue Parcel

2011-11-15T10:45:00.001+11:00

I know I haven't posted anything for ages and you all probably hate me, especially now that I'm only posting this so I can get your opinion on whether or not I should submit this for my Writing Portfolio assignment. This was one of my Writing For Young People tasks in which I was to write a children's chapter book. As it is part of a chapter book, I have included the introduction and a much later extract. It's a story I'd really like to continue with. Tell me what you think.

Introduction

Percival Xavier Crane, or Percival X as most people knewhim, was eleven years old and lived in the eighth floor of an apartmentbuilding with his nanny, Mrs McClendon. The reason Percival X lived on theeighth floor with his nanny, Mrs McClendon, was because his parents were lepidopterologists.This meant they were often away, travelling the world, looking for rare speciesof butterflies. The last time Percival X had heard from them they were hot-airballooning over the Amazon looking for the Spotted Orange Sundancer.

Percival X’s parents loved butterflies. That’s why they werealways running around the world looking for them. Percival X hated butterflies.Even more so, Percival X hated that his parents were always running around theworld looking for them. To tell you the truth, Percival X was jealous. Hethought that his parents, not Mrs McClendon, should have lived with him in theeighth floor apartment. Better still, he thought that his parents should havetaken him with them when they were travelling the world. Percival X would haveloved to hot-air balloon over the Amazon, even if it was while looking for theSpotted Orange Sundancer.

Percival X’s parents thought that he was too young to betravelling the world. They thought that a hot-air balloon over the Amazon wasno place for an eleven year old boy. They thought that Percival X needed astable environment; somewhere normal, with normal friends, doing normal things.Thus Percival X stayed at the eighth floor apartment with his nanny, MrsMcClendon. He attended school, he played with friends in the park, he went tomovies and he helped out with chores. Percival X lived a normal, stable life.

Percival X didn’t want a normal, stable life. Percival Xwanted an adventure. His parents were always off on adventures, whether it washot-air balloons over the Amazon or something else. Percival X wanted one ofhis own. It was for this reason he was so excited when he found a parcel on hisdoorstep early one frosty Saturday morning.

The parcel was odd for a number of reasons. First of all,the mail wasn’t delivered on Saturdays, particularly not early in the morning.Even when the mail was delivered, it wasn’t left on the doorstep. It was put inlittle mailboxes in the foyer or given to the doorman who then said things like“Ma’am, a parcel came for you this morning.” when you come down stairs. ButPercival X’s parcel wasn’t in one of the little mailboxes or with the doorman.Percival X’s parcel was on the doorstep of his eighth floor apartment.

The parcel was a long and flat oblong wrapped in royal bluepaper and tied up with pale lacy pink ribbon. In the upper left corner,butterflies had been drawn in silvery ink. There were fifteen stamps taking upthe entire right half and scrawled on the left in the same silvery pen as thebutterflies were the words:

ToAdventurer

EighthFloor

When Percival X turned the parcel over he did not find thesenders name like one usually would with letters and parcels but instead,written in the same scrawl as the words on the front of the parcel was:

Yourexpedition awaits!

Later Extract

Percival X entered the room with caution. One should neverrush into a room gated by a ten foot crimson door that mysteriously creakedopen as one happened to be walking by. Percival X placed on hand on the doorand the other on the doorframe and peered his head inside, careful to look bothleft and right to make sure nothing was hiding behind the door ready to jumpout and gobble him up.

Once Percival X had diligently checked behind the door hestepped inside and examined the room. His mouth opened into a little ‘o’ and,without meaning to, let out a gasp. At first he thought the floor was carpetedin thick green shag but when he looked closer, Percival X realised he wasstanding ankle deep in luscious grass. The domed ceiling was painted navy blue,with tiny lights set into it, twinkling like stars. For a moment Percival Xthought that he had stepped outside, but the walls proved that that wasn’t thecase.

Every wall was lined with glass shelves. They started a footabove the ground and rose all the way to the ceiling. There were no windows inthe room so the only place the shelves stopped was across the crimson doorway.

In the centre of the room was a very enormous lounge chairwith a very tiny, very old lady perched in it. “Don’t let the door close, dear.It catches.” The very tiny, very old lady said. “And it is awful troublesome toget it open again.”

“I received a parcel…” Percival X began, thinking perhapsthis lady could help him, but the very tiny, very old lady interrupted him.

“The door, dear.” She prompted.

“Oh. Right.” Percival X turned back just as the door wasclicking into place. “Sorry.” He chewed his lip, “I guess I was too slow.”

The woman sighed a loud, drawn out, sigh, “It really is suchawful trouble to get back open again.” She pointed Percival X to the glassshelves and told him to have a good look at them. The shelves were clutteredwith hundreds and hundreds of tea cups and saucers and, when Percival X steppedcloser, he noticed that none of the cups were with their matching saucers.

“Now.” The lady ordered from where she sat in the enormouslounge chair. “Match them up.”

Story: The Shadow

2011-09-21T12:01:00.001+10:00

This week in my Writing For Young People class we are doing older reader picture books. This is the text for my picture book, it works fine without pictures so I thought it would be alright to share. Next week is children's chapter books, so expect an extract from that next week.

There’s a shadow inside mummy. You can’t always see it, butI know it’s there. Sometimes I see it under her eyes, a grey and green andblack shadow, and I tell it to leave her, but it won’t.

The shadow makes mummy sad.

“She’s just a bit down,” grandma tells me, “feeling a bitblue. That’s all.”

“She’s had a little nervous breakdown.” My aunt says. Idon’t know what this means. “It’s nothing to worry about.” She sends me off toplay.

I don’t want to play. Not when mummy won’t leave her room.Not when mummy won’t stop sleeping. Not when mummy doesn’t talk to me or daddyor anyone else.

Some nights mummy cries so loud she wakes me. I go to her inher room and cling onto her. Maybe if I hug her hard enough I can squeeze the shadowout of her.

“It’s okay mummy. I’ll save you from it.” I tell her. I’llfight away the shadow.

Daddy strokes my hair and wraps his arms around mummy’sshoulders. “Mummy’s fine. Go back to bed.” He tells me.

Everyone keeps telling me mummy is fine, but she is not. Theshadow has her. It’s dark and heavy and steals away smiles.

One day I’ll make mummy smile again.

Story: Children's Poetry - The Lady

2011-09-10T11:28:00.001+10:00

This past week I was to write a picture book for my writing class. I thought about sharing it with you, but decided against it. Because it hasn't been illustrated it reads more like a script than a picture book and it really loses effect. This coming week we are to write childrens poetry so, to make up for not posting something last week, I'm posting my poetry to you guys early.

One day a lady stole our dad.

She was a thin asa newspaper ad.

She was so mean,she was so grumpy,

She flushed mummydone the dunny!

She locked dad inthe tallest tower,

Cut off hot waterto the shower.

My brothers triedto break him out

An elaboratemission came about.

Danny had weaponsskills

While Miles hadbeen trained to kill

They plotted longand hard that night.

I supplied thedynamite.

Clad in black andcamo paint

With a tank theybroke the gate

The lady stoodbefore the spire

And with a cry weopened fire

She threw her headback, gave a roar,

My dynamite blewin the door

Dad was free, itseemed we won,

But then the ladygrabbed a gun.

Dad wrestled herfor the rifle

Her last attempthad been stifled

So Miles, who hadlost his cool,

He pushed her in anearby pool.

Danny, with acolossal tug,

Pulled out thegigantic plug.

Swirling throughthe hole and down

To the sewageworks out of town.

To this day wehave not seen her.

It’s said she’s inArgentina.

What'd you think? Next week is Older Reader Picture Books, so I'm not sure if you'll get anything that week. We'll see.

Story: Trim the Rat Girl

2011-08-31T11:50:00.004+10:00

For this semester I'll be taking a break from writing Story Saturday's but don't worry, you'll still be getting a story once a week. I'm talking a writing class, Writing for Young People, where I have to do a piece of writing once a week and share it with my Tutorial class on Thursdays. Because I have to share my writing with my group 24 hours before class I have it ready on Wednesdays, thus Story Saturday has moved to Wednesdays.
This week we were supposed to be writing a character description so that is what I give you. Tell me what you think and let me know what age group it comes across as being for. I'm not sure it's right.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

There’s a girl who lives in the walls of the subway. People pretend she’s not real, but everyone knows she is. If the platform is empty enough, and it’s late enough in the evening, you can hear her moving about inside the walls when you’re waiting for the train. On the quietest of nights, the nights when you feel as if you’re the only person awake in the entire word, if you have a little food, you can tempt her out of the walls.

She always materialises out of nothing. One moment there is shadow and the next there she is. She scurried over and snatches the food from you before scurrying into a corner to eat. She scurries everywhere. She gnaws on the food, nibbling at it with her front teeth. She seems more rat than girl.

It’s not just the way she moves and eats, she looks almost like a rat. Her nose is long and thin, and her eyes squinted and startled as if she spent her life hiding in the darkness of the subway tunnels. Then again, she probably had. Her hair was that undefinable almost grey colour that is somewhere between blonde and brown. She looks about eight years old but she’s been living in the walls for as long as anyone can remember.

Her name is Trim. Everyone knows it, no one knows how, they just do. Trim the Rat Girl. Trim the Rat Girl who lives forever. “She can’t be human” people whisper on the rare occasions that they acknowledge her existence.

“What else can she be?”

“I don’t know. Don’t let the children near her.”

And what else can she be, if not human? People have all kinds of stories; that she really is descended from rats, that she’s an otherworldly spirit, a monster, alien, brownie, fairy, some kind of magical being. I think that she is Trim. Not defined by other names. Not catalogued into some group of mythical species. But there is no denying that she is special.

I wonder if she is happy; living such an unusual existence. She has no friends or family, unless the rats of the subway count. The subway patrons certainly don’t count. It’s only ever the really curious and fanciful commuters who ever try and tempt her from the walls and she’s more interested in the food than the person who gave it to her. She doesn’t talk to you, doesn’t answer your questions.

Sometimes you ask a question and she looks up with you with the brightest grey eyes. They’re so inquisitive and intelligent that I wonder if maybe she wants to answer you but she can’t. Perhaps she is mute. Perhaps she never learnt to talk.

She’s a mystery. Sometimes I think she should stay like that. Sometimes I want to know more. I want to know all there is about her. So I try again. I bring butternut cookies, her favourite from my experience, and go down to the subway after the late train is gone and all the commuters have left. I tempt her from the walls again.

Next week is picture book week. Not sure how well I'm going to work the illustrations, but I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Story Saturaday: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Finale

2011-08-27T19:30:00.005+10:00

It's been a long time, but here is the concluding chapter of the Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Story Saturday. If you missed the first parts they can be found here.

I am taking a writing class this semester, Writing For Young People, so instead of Story Saturday's you may be getting some of those stories for the next few months. It's just easier on me that way, and I can continue publishing something on my blog.

Anyway, enjoy the final chapter:

“Ice-cream! Ice-cream! Ice-cream!” Penguins cheered, jumping up and down with her mission well and truly forgotten. Penguins had an insane obsession for lemon sorbet. When it came to lemon sorbet everything else, no matter what, was put on hold. She pressed her hands together and looked at Laura with a pair of terrifyingly persuasive puppy-dog eyes. “Oh please can we?”

“Of course!” Laura hadn’t heard a better idea all day.

Slowly everyone turned to look at Maddog. He was likely to be a hard one to convince. Someone as cranky as him probably didn’t even like ice-cream. “Oh, all right.” He eventually agreed. Penguins’ puppy-dog eyes were somehow far more coercive then his own; maybe because his always had a little bit of a scowl to them.

Penguins and Laura each grabbed one of O’Malley’s hands and together, with Maddog at their side, they skipped off towards the ice-cream parlour.

Zella was offended that Till thought her loyalty could be so easily turned. “Betray the Chairman?” She squeaked (she’d been trying for indignant, but she had one of those voices that rose in octave when she got angry or scared. In this case, she was both). “I could never do such a thing! Tom, get me out of here!”

Tom immediately jumped to Zella’s rescue, throwing books off her and pulling her free. “Are you okay, Zella?” He gave her a little bow and she nodded in reply, glaring at Till. “I… I don’t really need a kiss.” Tom said, shuffling his feet bashfully. “I mean, it’s a bit sleazy… demanding a kiss. Maybe I could take you out for ice-cream first?”

Zella thought about this. He had rescued her. She’d feel a little cruel turning him down now. “Sure…” she replied cautiously. “Maybe you could come too!” She turned to Till. She didn’t want this to be a ‘date’.

Till glared. Going for ice-cream when she was supposed to be looking for the Chairman? It was a silly and frivolous activity, but maybe if she went along she might be able to find something out from Zella. Who knows, maybe Zella gets awfully talkative when faced with cake batter ice-cream with a marshmallow mix-in?

Zella gave a little cry of excitement when they entered the ice-cream shop. “Maddog! O’Malley! Fancy seeing you here?” He scurried over to a table where her colleagues were sitting with two girls.

Till was gobsmacked. “Penguins, Laura, you had better have a good reason why you’re here with the enemy.”

“We’re getting ice-cream” Penguins replied. Her teammates’ incompetence was too much for Till. She had to sit down.

Tom came over to join them, staring love-sickly at the girl Till had called Penguins. She was the most beautiful thing her had ever seen. In his mind Celine Dion was playing and he fancied rose petals and confetti were falling from the sky. “Can I get you anything?” He asked her breathlessly.

“Sure.” Penguins smiled, unaware of the dreamy way Tom looked at her. “I’d love some more lemon sorbet.”

Laura nudged O’Malley, “Hey, I think the ice-cream serving girl is smiling at you. Her name tag says Lara.”

“You really think so?” O’Malley blushed red.

“You should go ask her out.”

When Lara had finished her shift they all went back to Penguins’ place to watch zombie movies, much to Till’s and Maddog’s protests. Penguins had a few roommates and Donut, Pieman and Jack came out to join them in the zombie marathon. “My other roommate should be home soon.” Penguins told everyone.

They settled on the couch and a plethora of beanbags and switched on Night of the Living Dead. It was Donut's birthday, so they even had cake. O’Malley and Tom were both the happiest they’d ever been and even Till and Maddog were contented.

Halfway through Shaun of the Dead (one of Zella’s favourite films) the front door opened. “Hey, I’m home.” Penguins’ fourth roommate came into the room.

“Boss!” Zella squeaked.

“Eek! Ze Chairman!” O’Malley jumped about three feet in the air.

“WHAT. THE. HELL!!” Till Hammerette screamed.

“Uh… Hi.” The Chairman replied.

Happy birthday to my pal Pvt Donut. He's 12, I mean... 17 today.

Story Saturday: Tom and Laura Work Together

2011-08-14T00:00:00.003+10:00

Tom and I were talking to each other and realised that I only had 15 minutes to do a Story Saturday. Together we tried our best to get you a story worth reading. Instead you get this:

Story Saturday
By Penguins and Tom

It was a dark and stormy night... Again. Penguins swore that if they didn't pass the Anti-Weather Magic Act soon she was going to do something that only the witch down the road would regret. It wasn’t that it rained every night, it was that the witch knew the nights that Penguins wasn’t busy and made it rain on those nights. It’d been two weeks now since she’d had the chance to do any washing and her underwear was reaching a critical shortage.
Penguins sighed and closed her book, “Tom” she said, “we have got to do something about this, I don’t see why you can’t do some washing for a change.”
“Well you see my dear Penguins, it’s really quite simple. I am a man.”
“And?” Penguins asked, looking angry.”I only have flippers! I can’t do it properly!”
“I don’t know how to wash clothes. All I know is how to cook Mi Goreng and play Minecraft.”
“Don’t stereotype! At least you can make Mi Goreng. I may be a woman but every time I cook I burn something!” She shook her head. “Remember that Greek salad last week?”
“I think everyone on the street remembers the Greek salad from last week. I still hold that you burnt it on purpose because you think the firefighter are cute.”
“If you’re not going to do any washing then you should at least stop that witch’s it stupid weather spells for me!”
“I don’t want to go by myself, you know how shy I am. I wouldn’t be able to knock on the door without anybody there. Can’t you just call her?”
“You know she doesn’t believe in phones.”
“What, she thinks it’s better to talk to people in person?”
“No, she honestly doesn’t believe they exist. I’ve shown here photos but she says that they’re photoshopped.”
“She believed in photoshop but not phones?”

Story Saturaday: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Part 6

2011-08-06T16:50:00.003+10:00

If you missed them, you can find part one, two, three, four and five here

“Woah now.” Tom backed up, prying Till’s fingers away from his collar. “Let’s not go making threats, alright?” Till ignored Tom’s attempt at diplomacy. She wanted information and she wanted it now. She swung the hammer at Tom again.

Tom drew a sword from his belt and blocked Till’s strike, by the hammer was still forceful enough to push him back a few steps. “Now, now, hold up.” Tom raised his hands but quickly had to drop them and raise his sword again when Till swung her hammer a third time. “Hold up!” Tom blocked her blow and stepped back out of reach. “I don’t want to fight a woman.”

Till glared at him. "Were you born without balls or did you just recently lose them?"

“Hey now! That’s just mean!” Tom crossed his arms defensively across his chest. It was a rather awkward gesture, with him still holding his sword. He unfolded his arms crossly and pouted. “I should let you know I’m rather well endowed, thank you very much.”

"He's like a hormonal teenage girl in a mansuit when he gets his feelings hurt." Someone whispered from across the bar.

“Hey!” Tom glared at the man who had spoken, but next to Till’s magnificently well-formed glare his looked like a pathetic frown on a cranky infant. “What’s with everyone attacking me today?”

“You’re a pirate! Fight back!” Someone shouted.

“Fighting women is not fitting with my character profile.” Tom retorted. “I’m surprisingly chivalrous.”

“If your chivalrous you wouldn’t mind helping out the lady.” A third man pointed out.

Tom thought about this. It’s true. If he was as chivalrous as he thought himself to be he would help out the lady. He sheathed his sword. “Okay, Miss Hammerette. I’ll help you out. I’ll take you to talk to Zella.”

“Madpup! Will you be my friend?” Penguins begged, reaching out her hand to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped his teeth at her extended hand.

“Madpup! Will you please be my friend?” Penguins begged, reaching out to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped at her hand but then sighed. “How much longer are you going to keep this up? It’s tiring.”

“I know what you mean.” Penguins replied. “I feel like I’m a robot stuck in an infinite loop but without the cool buttons and weapons and I don’t make beeping sounds. All I have is this -” She waved her umbrella at Maddog, “and can imitate sounds like this – beep beep bop beep bop bop beep – “

Penguins continued to beep while Maddog curled up into a ball with his paws over his ears. "I am visualizing putting duct tape on your mouth.” He muttered.

Footsteps echoed from down the corridor from which Penguins had come followed by a shriek. Penguins stopped beeping and looked up to see Laura with a very eerie, eerie Goth clinging to her., terrified. “Oh god!” the Goth squealed, “Its Maddog! We have to run away!”

“Run away?” Laura asked. “It’s a dog.”

“Maddog is the terrifying guardian of the Chairman’s lair. He’ll kill us all!”

“Don’t be silly.” Penguins told him. “Madpup’s my friend.”

“We never decided that.” Maddog growled.

Penguins rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. We all know you would have caved first.” O’Malley and Laura nodded and even Maddog had to agree.

Laura introduced O’Malley and explained how they were going to the Chairman. “Oh! I’m coming too!” Penguins hopped from foot to foot, excited and anxious to be on their way. Everyone glanced at Maddog.

“Fine,” He growled, “but I better get to maul someone.”

The group hadn’t gone far when O’Malley stopped. Laura turned to him, questioningly, and Maddog growled with impatience. “You know…” O’Malley began, “Now zat I have friends, scoldink the Chairman doesn’t seem to matter so much anymore.” He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t really need to go tell ze Chairman how I veel about him. I’d much rather go vor ice-cream.”

Zella was not what Till had been expecting. She had The Chairman’s right hand built up in her head as something of a James Bond villain – a black leather seductress – but instead she found a lanky college student with messy, waist length hair stuck under a collapsed pile of books.

“Are you sure this is the Chairman’s subordinate?” Till whispered to Tom, sure she had been misled.

“Yup. I’m certain.” He replied. “Isn’t she cute?”

Zella wriggled, trying to free herself from the pile of books. The pile was dislodged and books went spilling over her face. Zella whimpered as she disappeared under the avalanche. “Help! Someone! Get me out of here!” She cried.

“I will,” Tom announced, “in exchange for a kiss.”

“I know that’s you, Tom!” Zella cried from under the books, “And for the last time, I’m not kissing you! Now get me out from under here!”

“Alright,” Till stepped forward, “in exchange for some information on the Chairman.”

Does Laura

a) Go for Ice-cream with O’Malley

b) Continue with her mission to find the Chairman

Does Penguins

a) Go for Ice-cream with O’Malley

b) Continue with her mission to find the Chairman

Does Maddog

a) Go for Ice-cream with O’Malley

b) Go find the Chairman so he has someone to maul

c) Attack his new friends instead :O

Does Zella

a) Accept Till’s offer and tell her where the Chairman is

b) Accept Tom’s offer and give him a kiss

Everyone's a Hero

2011-08-03T12:33:00.005+10:00

So I'm bored and haven't blogged in ages and for lack of anything interesting to write, I'm going to do this think Zella recently did on her blog where you put your Ipod/MP3 player on shuffle and answer the following questions with the song titles that appear. I've done it before in a note on Facebook where my iPod was obviously keen to embarrass me, but now I'm going to try again. I'll also link the songs, like Zella did. Sorry about the ads at the start of the Blink songs.

1. What do you like in a guy?
Over My Head (Cable Car) (the A Day to Remember cover). I don't like the implications of this...

2. What is your life's purpose?
Enjoy Your Day (Alkaline Trio). From the title, I'd say my purpose is simply to enjoy myself, from the lyrics, it's to be miserable while wishing happiness on others.

3. What is your motto?
Always (Blink-182). I guess I'll always try something? I guess?

4. What do your friends think of you?
Corporate Rock (Anti-Flag) My friends think I'm commercially oriented!? Well, I guess I deserve this after I told O'Malley that "if we were in a band and our manager suggested changing our sound I'd do it, after all, it's just good business". I'm such a sell out! *tears*

5. What do you think about very often?
The Ink and the Quill (Be Afraid) (Anti-Flag) One of my favourite songs that defined summer for me. When I think of summer I think of kites and driving around town with this song playing. So I guess I do think of it often, because summer was great and remembered fondly.

6. What does 2+2 equal?
Ten Speed (Of God's Blood and Burial) (Coheed and Cambria) In BASE 4! (Wow. That worked out well! Also, I find this song hilarious because it's about an author arguing with his bicycle over whether or not he should kill off his favourite character, based on his ex-fiance, that he is still in love with. The line "What would you know, you're just a bicycle" cracks me up every time)

7. What do you think of your best friends?
Chemical Warfare (The Dead Kennedy's) When my friends and I get together we unleash deadly chemicals on country clubs. Just ask O'Malley.

8. What do you think of the person you like?
Paper Wings (Rise Against) A love song. Of course. One that says I'm not waiting for you.

9. What is your life story?
Andy, You're a Star (the Killers) Damn right, I'm a star. But my name's not Andy...

10. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Elf Tower New Mexico (Coheed and Cambria) Yep. I want to be a fantasy creature.

11. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Down (Blink-182) Feeling depressed because you love someone who doesn't respond. Adequate.

12. What do your parents think of you?
My List (the Killers) (This is making it look like I only have about four bands on my iPod) Well, it's basically a love song, but I guess you could apply it to caring about your children?

13. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Paperthin Hymn (Anberlin) A song of a dying loved one? Great.

14. What will they play at your funeral?
Cold War Transmissions (Anberlin) Sorry, iPod, but I've already chosen my funeral song. I'm having There Will be No Violins When You Die by I Killed the Prom Queen. Sorry.

15. What is your hobby?
Veronica Sawyer Smokes (AFI) This song is about Winona Ryder's character in Heathers, which I have not seen. So either it means I like smoking (I don't) or Winona Ryder films (I've only seen a couple). I'm going to say my hobby is making things smoke, thus, catching stuff on fire. Ask my old chemistry teacher. I love fire.

16. What is your biggest secret?
Shell Shock (New Order) Either I'm hiding a case of combat stress reaction or heartbreak. I guess.

17. What do you think of your friends?
Ziggy Stardust (David Bowie) I've spent the entire of the song and more trying to figure out what this could mean. My friends are rock stars? Persona's of David Bowie? Well hung alien guitarists? I don't know.

18. What's the worst thing that could happen?
Seventeen Ain't So Sweet (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) The worst thing that could happen? People could start using the word "ain't" instead of "is not". Ain't is not a word. Use isn't, thank you very much.

19. How will you die?
Girl's Not Grey (AFI) I think... from the lyrics... maybe... I'm just doing to lay down and die one day. In saddened sleep.

20. What is the one thing you regret?
Hello Again (Lost Prophets) My biggest regret is hiding away from the world.

21. What makes you laugh?
From Heads Unworthy (Rise Against) This is a song about taking a stand and apparently I laugh at that. Why? Because I think it's funny that you think you could change anything. Hahahahaha.

22. What makes you cry?
Second Solution (The Living End) What can I say? Death Row is scary.

23. Will you ever get married?
The Tale of Sir Robin (Monty Python) I'm not afraid of marriage , but I might bravely run away.

24. What scares you the most?
Stationary Stationery (Anberlin) Being ditched by the guy I like, simply put.

25. Does anyone like you?
The Unwinding Cable Car (Anberlin) (Enough with the Anberlin already!) I guess? Not exactly a love song but it does have the line "I'll guard your heart".

26. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Historia Calamitatum (Rise Against) The history of my calamities. When I go back in time I'm going to exploit it for the sole purpose of fixing the things that went wrong in my past. Because I'm selfish.

27. What hurts right now?
I Feel So (Box Car Racer) Everything hurts.

28. What will you post this as?
Everyone's a Hero (Nathan Fillion/Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog) I shall do as you wish.

Well, unlike when I did this on Facebook, I didn't get too embarrassed by my music. There's no Naruto soundtrack playing at my funeral this time. I have to defend my iPod, though, I do have a greater variety of music then what is shown here. It's not only Anberlin and Blink-182. My shuffle just wasn't very inventive today.

Story Saturday: Guest Story by Tom Parker

2011-07-09T19:03:00.003+10:00

Today's Story Saturday is a guest story by Tom Parker. The story features himself and some of his friends. My character was very much written in revenge for making him a bishounen in the Choose-Your-Way Adventure. You'll hopefully be able to read the rest of this story on his blog, Crusade Against Boredom, whenever he finishes it.
The Choose-Your-Way Adventure will be back in a fortnight, after I get back from my holiday in Brisbane.
Enjoy!

Beyond the furthest reaches of imagination there lies a land, untouched by progress. It has felt neither the sweet hum of the laptop computer, nor the vile screeching of the Miley Cyrus. A land where a frolic around the village green is considered a riot and a hemline above the ankle is scandalous.

In this village a dashing young man who goes by the name of Tom the Parker sat at the local tavern with his good friend Henry the Ander's son. Of what Tom parks, or what an ander is, nobody knows.

“Ho friend Henry” called Tom, “hoar art thee this fine summer morn'?”

“I don't know what you're trying to prove by talking like that,” he replied, “you sound like an idiot.”
“You're no fun Henry, it is this thing a passing traveller taught me. It is called 'trolling'. I want to write books to fool our descendants that we spoke like that.”
“And why do you think talking to me like that is going to change what the generations after us is going to think?”

“It won't. I'm practising.”

Giving up in frustration, Henry signal the barmaid, Becky. She came to the table, bringing with her two huge jugs, as well as some ale for the friends. “Have you two heard the rumours going around the town?” she said to them as she handed them their drinks.
“I certainly have, you naughty minx, got caught out on the lookout with another man didn't you?” Tom laughed as he winked at her.

“No I didn't you damn wool brained lumox!” She shouted hitting Tom on the back of the head.
“Are you sure?” Interjected Henry, “because I'd swear I heard-”

“No!” Becky hit Henry as well for good measure. “At least, that isn't what I wanted to tell you about. No, I heard that there was a strange girl wondering around town wearing outlandish clothes and carrying a staff.”

“A staff? Why would a woman have one of those?” Henry asked.

“Yeah” Tom added, “I mean, if she was a wizard I could understand, but she's a woman so she could only be a witch and they have broomsticks.”
Henry and Becky pause a moment to give Tom a confused look.
“Because it helps them clean.” Tom says, exasperated.

“Either way, I should go see if I can find this strange girl, it shouldn't be hard given the description you gave us.” Henry tells them before quickly gulping down his drink.

Tom waits for Henry to leave before getting up to go himself.

“Why didn't you just leave with Henry?” Becky asks him.

“Because I want to find her first! There hasn't been any proper cleaning done in my house for weeks!”
“How is finding that girl going to get cleaning done in your room?”
“Well, she's obviously a witch, so she must have a broom. And if she has a broom it stands to good reason that she would have other cleaning tools as well. Bye!” Tom shouts behind him as he goes to leave the tavern.
“Wait Tom!” Becky shouts out after him, “You didn't touch your ale!”
“It's ok Becky, I don't drink!” Tom races out the tavern.

Becky looks at the table, and mutter to herself “Neither of them payed for their drink.”

Tom runs out of the Tavern, thinking about how nice it would be if his house was clean. He was so caught up in his thoughts when he turned a corner he didn't see Henry until he ran right into him.

“Ouch! Watch where you're going Henry!” Tom said as he picked himself off the ground.

Henry just looked at Tom confused, then shouted “I LIKE FLUFFY CUTE THINGS.”

“What was that?” Tom quizzed him.
“I LIKE NEW CLOTHES.”

“Is something wrong Henry?”
“I MUST WORK REALLY REALLY HARD.”

A thought struck Tom. “You found the witch didn't you? She did something to you! Tell me what it is!”

But Henry's face kept it's vacant look.

“Damnit Henry think! Break the spell!”
But it was no good. Henry just started singing and looking for flowers.
I need to find out what that witch did to you, Tom thought, but I can't just leave him like this. I'd better take him back to the tavern where he will be safe.

“Henry! I am going to take you back to the tavern, I want you to stay there.”
“NO. I AM COLLECTING PRETTY FLOWERS BECAUSE THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE THEM.”
“Please, you'll be safe there, people can look after you.”
“I AM INDEPENDANT, A CAN LOOK AFTER MYSELF.” Henry suddenly looked defiant “I WON'T MOVE FROM THIS SPOT.”
A thought struck Tom, he started walking to the Tavern before calling back to Henry.

“Oh Henry! I hear that there are some cute kitties in that tavern.”
“OH EM GOSH!” Shouted Henry as he run towards the tavern before catching himself and turning to Tom with a suspicious look on his face. “ARE THESE... FLUFFY KITTIES?”

“Oh yes, like a toilet seat.” Tom reassured Henry.
“SKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!” screeched Henry as he raced to the tavern waving his hands above his head.

Meanwhile, back at the Tavern at the table across from where Henry and Tom were before sat a lovesick girl named Penguins and her friend Jack. Poor Jack had been trying to engage Penguins in conversation but her eyes had been fixed on where Tom was sitting before. Even after Tom has left on his quest to find the girl Penguins had not stopped looking at his chair. Jack eventually gave up trying to make light conversation and asked Penguins why she was looking so glum.

“Oh it's nothing Jack, it's just that I think I'm in love with that man who was sitting over there.”
“You do? That's strange, I didn't know you knew him.”
“I don't, I only just saw him then, but something about the way he talked made me feel strange. It is like there are butterflies inside my stomach. But they aren't just normal butterflies, they are like, super love butterflies. Dancing with each other, like I want to dance with him.”
“Right…” said Jack with a doubtful look on his face, “Well, if that's the case you're in luck-”
“The butterflies are having children, and the children are puppies, sweet puppies playing with rolls of toilet paper. The toilet paper of love.”
“Well, like I said you're in luck-”
“BUT ALAS” Penguins talked over Jack “Our love is not meant to be. I do not know how to catch his eye, and how could a girl like me appeal to the epitome of masculinity that is man, who in no way looks bishonen.”

“WELL IN THAT CASE YOU'RE IN LUCK” shouted Jack, “BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE THE MASTER OF LOVE AND WINNING HEARTS.”
“Oh you are?” Cried Penguins with new found respect in her eyes, “Please teach me! So that I may be with the man I love. So I can love him, and care for him, and cook for him, and have his childre-”
“Are you ready to learn!” Shouted Jack, trying to block out Penguin's words.

“Oh yes!” Penguins nodded eagerly.
“Then let us begin. The first step is crucial, you must never, under and circumstances make any advances on him.”
“Never?” Asked Penguins.
“Never.” Repeated Jack, nodding his head. “This is the secret to my success.”
“How successful have you been Jack?”
“Quiet! I am the one asking the questions here!”
“No you're not-”
“I said quiet!”
It was just at that moment that Tom and Henry came back into the tavern.

“WHERE IS THE KITTYYYYYY!?” Shouted Henry, causing everyone to look at him and Tom. Becky storms over and tries to hush Henry but she only makes it worse. Henry sees Becky and exclaims “WOW! YOU HAVE REALLY REALLY BIG BOOBS!! HOW DID YOU GET THEM THAT LARGE?!” causing Becky to blush and run away to hide in a store room. Now everybody in the tavern had stopped what they were doing and was staring at Tom and Henry, trying to work out what was wrong with their old friend Henry. Penguins approaches Tom and attempts to strike up a conversation.

“Oh, my hi. Your friends seems to be a little er, wait. My name is Penguins, I mean, umm. So how is your strange friend, he seems a bit strange. Oops, I mean, not umm, I mean differently… to most people. Sometimes.”

Tom looks at Penguins in confusion, trying to make sense of all that. “Hello.. whatever your name is.”

When Jack saw Becky run over to the side-room he saw his chance. Like a bird of prey he swooped, entering the small side room.

“Aww, why are you crying like that Becky?” He said softly to her.

“Because EVERYONE was looking at my boobs!” She sobbed.

“Don't feel bad about it. Actually, everyone is ALWAYS looking at your boobs.”
“Really?” Said Becky, looking up at Jack.
“Yes, all the time. They're really hard to miss. They're like, titanic. Or rather, TITanic.”
This causes a new bout of wailing from Becky. Hmm, thought Jack, this won't be as easy as I had thought, my usual tricks aren't working, I'll have to turn it up.
“I don't think you understand Becky” said Jack, “I made a pun, you see, titanic, means really big, and tits are another word for boobs...”

Penguins and Tom were just starting to make progress.
“So.. your name is Penguins, and you think you can help with Henry?”
Penguins, not trusting her ability to make coherent sentences just nodded.
“Great!” Shouted Tom and hugged Penguins causing her to squeak and blush.
“Ok then, let’s see it.” Tom said excitedly.

Penguins, still blushing and dishevelled, turned to Henry but all she can get out is a squeak.
“Could you please turn around?” Penguins asks Tom in a whisper. Tom is confused by the request but he complies. Taking a deep breath Penguins turned back to Henry and shouted “OH MY GOLLY JOCKS!! I DO LOVE LITTLE ANIMALS! ”

Henry perks and replies in an equally loud voice “YOU DO?! THAT'S SOOOO WEIRD, I DO TOO! WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE?”

“MY FAVOURITE IS LITTLE KITTIES!”

“SO IS MINE! SQUEEEEE! HEY WHAT'S YOUR NAME?”

“PENGUINS!”

“HEY PENGUINS, LETS BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, MY NAME IS ROSANNA!”

The whole Tavern exclaims.

Tom spins back around to Penguins and the person who is apparently named “Rosanna”.

“Do you mean, you aren't actually Henry?” Tom demands.

Just at that moment, the tavern doors open and Henry walks in. “That is not me”, he says in a loud voice, “that is my identical twin Rosanna!”

Story... Sunday?: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Part 5

2011-07-03T20:57:00.004+10:00

Sorry it's late, I was going to post yesterday but I decided to go have a life and party with some friends. Also, sorry it's so short and obviously rushed. I've had a busy couple of weeks.

“Down this corridor?” Laura asked, following O’Malley’s extended finger to where he was pointing. O’Malley nodded uncertainly. “I think my friend, Penguins, may have gone this way.” Laura said offhandedly. “We might find her.”

“Your friend?” O’Malley queried, “I thought… I thought I was your friend…” He pouted and fidgeted with his cape.

“You are my friend, silly!” Laura told him, “Penguins is my friend too.”

“You can have more than one friend?” O’Malley was shocked by this new knowledge. The idea of having more than one friend was so hard for him to comprehend.

“Don’t you have other friends?” Laura asked.

“No.” He replied still in a daze, “You’re my first.” Their footsteps echoed quietly through the corridor and the florescent lights on the ceiling flickered. It wasn’t long before the passageway came to a fork. To the right the corridor had been stacked with several boxes and was strung with cobwebs, but the corridor was still manoeuvrable. To the left the passage was empty except for some eerie, echo-y noises.

“Left or right?” Laura asked O’Malley.

“Madpup! Will you be my friend?” Penguins begged, reaching out her hand to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped his teeth at her extended hand.

“Madpup! Will you please be my friend?” Penguins begged, reaching out to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped at her hand.

“Madpup, be my friend?” Penguins reached out to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped at her.

“Madpup, please be my friend?” Penguins begged.

“No.” Maddog snapped.

“Madpup, be my friend?”

“No.”

“Madpup –”

“No.”

Till Hammerette was less than impressed by Tom’s offer and her glare clearly reflected her feelings. “Alright, Tom,” Till said his name as if it tasted bitter in her mouth, “if you want a kiss, why don’t you kiss this!” Till pulled out her Hammer of Massive Clobbering and swung it at Tom’s head.

It hit him directly in the mouth and he stumbled backwards, falling over and landing flat on his rear end. “Ow! Oooww.” Tom wailed, “Why’d you do that? That was so mean!”

Till grabbed Tom’s collar and pulled him to his feet. “Tell me where I can find Zella or I’ll hit you again.”

Does Laura

a) Go left

b) Go right

Does O’Malley

a) Go left

b) Go right

Does Maddog

a) Give in

b) Keep refusing Penguins

Does Penguins

a) Give in

b) Keep trying to be Madpup’s friend

Does Tom

a) Withstand Till’s awesome influence and fight her

b) Give in and tell Till where Zella is

Story Saturday: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Part Four

2011-06-18T19:48:00.006+10:00

Sorry everyone for such a long wait on this one. After my computer died it took a bit of effort getting back into this and also with work and assignments it's been a long break. I'll try and start doing this a bit more regularly again, but no promises. Sorry.

On to the story!

Till Hammerette’s heels kicked up dust as she walked through the dirt streets of Pirate Cove Town. The Cove had seemed like a good place to start, but now she was here she had no idea where to look. She didn’t know the Chairman well enough to slip into his mind and consider “if I were the Chairman where would I be?” so after hours of inconsequential searching she wandered around the streets of the pirate town heading, in a round-about way, towards the docks. Eventually Till admitted that this might not be something she could do on her own.

Forlorn and weary, Till stumbled into a tavern, The Typical Tavern, and ordered a drink. There had been a pirate tavern Till had frequented back in her old bootlegging days at the Pirate Bay on the mainland which had been characterised by loud, filthy pirates, fighting, spilling drinks and playing rounds of Insult Pong. The tavern Till now found herself in was nothing like µTavern and the name, Typical Tavern seemed rather unfitting. The patrons of the Typical Tavern wore clean, neatly pressed collared shirts. No one shouted and no one pushed. The tables were clean and the floors freshly mopped. Not a drop of alcohol had been spilt anywhere within the property. What appalled Till the most was the abundance of pleases and thank you’s and the serious lack of anything that resembled Insult Pong. In a quiet form of rebellion Till dipped her index finger into her pint of rum and used to the liquid to trace “R+” onto the bar.

MEANWHILE in Maddog’s Lair:

“Madpup! Will you be my friend?” Penguins begged, reaching out her hand to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped his teeth at her extended hand.

“Madpup! Will you please be my friend?” Penguins begged, reaching out to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped at her hand.

“Madpup, be my friend?” Penguins reached out to pat him.

“No.” Maddog snapped at her.

“Madpup, please be my friend?” Penguins begged.

“No.” Maddog snapped.

“Madpup, be my friend?”

“No.”

“Madpup –”

“No.”

MEANWHILE in the basement of the Chairman’s abandoned lair:

“You’re right.” O’Malley nodded. “I should give him a piece of my mind.”

“Good for you!” Laura clapped, “I was just trying to find him. Maybe we can go together?”

O’Malley considered this. He would certainly feel braver about confronting the Chairman if he had his new friend with him. “Zat vould be very nice.” He replied, smiling and showing off his pointed canines.

“Awesome!” Laura cheered, “Lead the way!”

“Right… Uh… It’s this way.” O’Malley led on.

MEANWHILE: back in Pirate Cove:

Till flicked her fingers, signalling to the barkeeper to poor another glass. Early on through the first she had reasoned to question those in the bar about the Chairman’s whereabouts but by the time she had finished the glass and questioned three patrons she came to the conclusion that it was not a task to be done sober. Now on her fifth glass Till approached a young, bishonen pirate lounging in a booth, drinking sake and making eyes at two ladies across the room.

“You. I need information. Now.” She greeted the pirate.

He looked up and her and beamed, showing off his teeth. “Well, how you doing?” He nodded at her. “The name’s Tom, who might I have the pleasure of speaking to?”

“Tell me all you know about the Chairman.” Till answered.

“I will if you tell me your name, beautiful.” Tom flashed a winning smile.

“Don’t call me beautiful.” Till growled. “My name’s Till Hammerette. Tell me about the Chairman.”

“Sure, sure.” Tom waved for her to sit down beside him but instead Till just crossed her arms across her chest and glared. Tom sighed. “He’s got this really gorgeous chick who works for him. Kind of nerdy. All glasses, books and sarcasm. Real top-notch girl. Zella’s her name, I think, Zella-Kate.”

“You know Zella?” Till asked coarsely. “Where is she?”

“I’ll take you to her,” Tom beamed, “In exchange for a kiss.”

Does Penguins:

a) Give in

b) Keep trying to be Madpup’s friend

Does Maddog

a) Give in

b) Keep refusing Penguins

Do O’Malley and Laura

a) Go back up the ladder

b) Go down the tunnel

Does Till

a) Give Tom a kiss

b) Break out the MC Hammer

This chapter introduced Tom from Crusade Against Boredom.

See the previous parts here, here and here.

Why My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is Awesome

2011-05-14T15:01:00.004+10:00

Some of you may have noticed a strange new obsession sweeping the internet: My Little Pony (MLP). This is a craze that I am a part of. My friend, Tom Parker asked me to write a blog post explain what's so awesome about it. I had to fight with my brony (the name for guys who like MLP) friend, Jack, for this job, but I got it, so here's my post.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a 2010 series by Lauren Faust. The concept of the show was to create a girls cartoon that is just as entertaining as any boys cartoon, in a similar way to the Powerpuff Girls. The original 1980's My Little Pony had been conceived as a thirty minute add campaign more interesting in selling the MLP toys than telling a story. As a child, Lauren Faust had been uninterested in the show but had enjoyed playing with the toys. She would send her ponies on epic quests to save the world and this idea has been adapted into the 2010 series. The show has also been developed with the parents in mind. Adults are going to need to watch the show with their children so it had better be entertaining for the whole family. The new show has amazing writers, great voice actors and… SONGS!

My Little Pony has all the things a great cartoon should have when appealing to a wide audience. Unlike the original series' Friendship is Magic is brimming with personality. The characters are based on very strong archetypes, giving each pony a very individual personalities. The scripts are amazingly well done and appeal to just about anyone. I've found myself laughing so hard I miss half of the episode and have to watch it all over again. The adventures are dangerous and exciting but still keep the girly elements that make girls cartoons great. Humour in the show blends physical comedy with witty dialogue, and even throws in a variety of obscure references that only the adults will pick up on. In episode three, for example, a crowd of ponies chases one of the main characters while a modified version of Yakety Sax from Benny Hill plays.

The show includes some famous, and brilliant, voice actors, Tara Strong (best known for her roles as Timmy Turner in Fairly Odd Parents, Bubbles in Powerpuff Girls, Ben Tennyson in Ben 10, Dil Pickles in Rugrats and she's in one of my favourite animate films, in Princess Mononoke) as Twilight Sparkle and Tabitha St. Germain (from just about every Barbie movie ever, and many other shows and films) as Rarity. Tara is amazing when doing Twilight's sarcastic and condescending side, while Tabitha captures Rarity's wild mood swings and over-the-top theatrics perfectly. While Tara and Tabitha are the most well know members of the cast the other voice-actors are just as amazing. Check out Fluttershy in these scenes.

Normally songs and musical numbers in cartoons turn out pretty torturous, but that's because most shows don't put much effort into them, and just use them as filler. However, in MLP, professional composers are often hired for the musical numbers, and most of the main ponies have a separate performer just for their singing roles, and the effect is easily on par with Disney. One composer was so proud of his work he put it on Youtube to show his friends and colleagues, but accidentally used the wrong privacy settings, leaking the video to the entire internet several weeks before the episode was supposed to air. That video was Winter Wrap-Up, from the episode of the same name.

All these elements combined have created an amazing show with mass followings online. Now, go watch the first episode and judge for yourself.

Answers for Mr. Tom Parker

2011-04-27T09:37:00.004+10:00

My friend, Tom, over at Crusade Against Boredom recently wrote a blog post where he asked all the questions he would ask complete strangers if he got the chance and he asked us all to tell him our answers in a reply blog post. So here are my answers:

What kinda music do you like? Why? Did you ever like any other sort? What do you think of the indie scene? What about the mainstream stuff? Is there any music you hate? What do you think of people who get off knowing about obscure bands?

I love punk rock and punk pop, and just punk and rock in general. I also like some metalcore and post hardcore. I used to like just about anything except rap and hip-hop, but then my cousin introduced me the Rise Against, AFI and the Alkaline Trio and I was enlightened. I first started listening to metalcore and post hardcore after my friend gave me an A Day to Remember CD and I asked him for more of his music. ADtR was a good transition from punk to hardcore, I feel. Now I love Parkway Drive and especially the Amity Affliction. I prefer indie stuff to mainstream stuff, not because I have a thing against mainstream music, some of its good, just that not much of it is to my taste. I don't search out music, I find my music by being introduced to it by others, so anyone who's into obscure bands has some respect from me, particularly if they're really good, obscure bands.

Do you watch TV? What about reading? Or do you play video games? Is the modern version of reading a novel playing video games? Or is the modern version of reading a novel reading a modern novel? Do you think people do it for the escapist element? Do you? Are you comfortable with that?

I don't have a TV at my college, so I don't watch much TV. I do borrow TV series' from the library and then have massive marathons of the entire show. Recently did Bones and am now doing Gilmore Girls. While I am sometimes disappointed to realise I'm missing Spicks and Specks, I really don't miss TV.
I love reading, although I'm very slow at it. It took me an entire year to read 1984 and it's one of my favourite books. Currently I have a Percy Jackson obsession and am sad that I finished the series and won't get to adventure with him again.
I play computer games, but while I enjoy them, I'm not a fanatic. I just got Sims 3, so I'm pretty obsessed. I spent three hours designing my dream house yesterday. I still haven't furnished it. Portal is probably the greatest game ever, I'm sad not to have Portal 2 yet. Scribblenauts is a close second. I also love Counterstrike and Team Fortress. I wouldn't say games are the new novel, I feel movies are more likely to have taken that role.
I'm definitely in it all for the escapist element, music too. Just about everything I do. I don't understand while reality is anymore worth living than a dream world. Sure, if it was as simple as travelling or succeeding, than you should live in reality, but if its magic and dragons and castles and BFG's and fairy princes, then the dream world is worth living.

Do you know your family history? Are you proud of it? Do you care at all?

I wish I knew more of my family history. I'm heading into a career focus around history, after all. I know a lot of family stories, like my grandma's early like in Holland before WW2, but I know very little genealogy. On my mum's side everyone was illegitimate, so its hard to trace back.

Do you have a life story? Or do you think events are just happening and they aren’t connected?

So far my life is just a bunch of crazy random events, some that are happy, some that are funny, more that are painful. Even if it doesn't fit together, it'd still be a hell of a story to tell one day.

Do you believe in a god or the supernatural? Do you believe what you’d like to be true or what you think is true? If you do, why doesn’t everyone know?

I was brought up Catholic, by when I was eleven my mum told my brothers and I we could decide for ourselves. I'm generally agnostic. I like the idea of God, but I'm against organised religion. I believe more strongly in the BFG than in the bible. For a long time now fantasy and children's stories has been what I put my faith in.

Where’s the best place to have a date? Is a movie really a good place take a girl? Is it slutty for the girl to be the pursuer in the relationship. That is, the girl is the one who gets the guys phone number, asks him out etc..

I think all of this depends on the girl and the guy. Movie and dinner is a good standard date, if you don't know the person that well. A good first date. It also says DATE pretty loud and clear if there was the chances of one party being unclear of the whole thing. If the two already know each other well, then the date should be crafted to suit them best. Also with a girl pursuing a guy, it depends on who the girl is and who the guy is, what they're like. I would never go as far as saying its slutty. It's chauvinistic to think that only guys can go the asking out.

A guy and a girl are on a date. The night went rather well but after they leave *wherever they were* and walk down a dark alley *for some reason* they get held up by a guy demanding their money. What should the guy in the date do? Hand over his money or fight the other guy? What is the mugger had a knife? Or a gun?

Don't try and impress the girl, try and keep her safe. The safest option would be to hand over you things, take note of everything about the guy, when he's gone call the cops, make sure the girl gets home safely and comfort her if she's upset. If you want to be a hero, try and talk the guy into only taking your stuff, and not the girls. If she has a ring that belonged to her grandmother or something tell the guy you'd happily give him all your stuff if he doesn't take her ring. That's heroic. But still, I say safety first. Protect the girl, do what the guy says, call the cops.

When someone asks you how you are, what do you think of? What, to you, defines whether your life is going well or not? Having a boyfriend, good grades, good food, …?

Normally when I get asked how I am, I reply with the courteous "Well, thank you. How are you?" Sometimes I'll just be over being courteous and answer how I feel. That's how someone ended up with the reply "I'm somewhere between happy and a total fucking wreck". Once, when I was in hospital and doped up on morphine I replied to "how are you feeling?" with "fucked up and numb".
How would I define if my life is going well? My life is going well when I'm not depressed and when I'm not stressed. When I look less like a corpse and more like a normal person. A moment in which I can't stop giggling and I dance as I walk and I balance along retaining walls and sing without caring. That's when my life is going well. Strangely, when my life isn't going well, it can be kind of similar. I can't stop crying, I kick things and stomp as I walk and I scream out songs without caring.

How do you define yourself? Is it your taste in music? Is it who your friends are, what you own, what your job is, what you study, …? Is it possible to not like who you are? Do you like who you are? If you don’t, would you do anything to change it?

Gosh, I don't know how I define myself. I hardly know who I am. I am what I am. I'm a ranter, a dreamer, a nutter, a pretender, a forgetter-of-punchlines, a hoper, a wisher, a rambler, a magic-bean-buyer, a historian, a reader, a crazy-dancer, a bad-singer, a penguin. I'm the girl who gives you my umbrella when it's raining. I don't know what I am. But these are a part of it.

So, what are your answers?

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T19:56:00.000+10:00

Featuring all of you who haven't been drawn yet!

Story Saturday: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Part Three

2011-04-09T20:46:00.002+10:00

This one is rather rushed, sorry. I was at work all day and all I want to do is curl up in bed and read Percy Jackson. If I can be bothered I may do do illistrations tomorrow, but it is another full day of work and I have a lot of assignments to do. Anyways; enjoy!

Penguins glanced between the two hallways indecisively. It was as if a large group of people were telling her which way to go and they all had their own opinions. To the right was a creepy corridor full of boxes that may contain treasure while to the left was something that growled. Maybe a bunny! Penguins thought hopefully.

“Come on magic bubbles” Penguins said to the bubbles of light floating around her. “This way.” She turned to the left.

The mysterious silver flicker that had caught Laura’s attention from across the room turned out to be a not so impressive mirror. “Huh.” Laura thought out loud, looking at her refection in the mirror, “This as was waste of time.”

“Vhat are you doink down here?” the thick eastern European accent scared Laura so much she jumped three feet into the air before spinning around. An eerie, eerie looking Goth stood only centimetres behind her.

“Jesus! I didn’t see you ther…” Laura’s voice trailed off. “I didn’t see you…” she said puzzled and looked back in the mirror, then back at him. “You don’t have a reflection.” She stated.

“Zat is correct.” The eerie, eerie Goth replied.

“Huh.” Laura said.

Faster than you can say Ich liebe Rammstein, Till Hammerette was out of the deserted lair and riding her Motorrad toward the Chairman. She knew she should feel guilty about leaving Laura and Penguins behind but they had probably already gone and gotten themselves killed so it didn’t really matter anymore.

Till’s decoding of the Chairman’s poor German, had told her that his base was on the Mysterious Island of Mystery. The island was small and there wasn’t much there that could act as a lair for the Chairman. This led her to two possibilities; either he was hiding out at Pirate Cove, or his base was somewhere inside in the Spooky Forest. Till sped up. She had to be quick to catch the ferry to the Mysterious Island of Mystery.

“So you’ve found my lair” a voice spoke from down the corridor. Penguins couldn’t believe her ears. She’d found the Chairman’s lair, just like that? “Come, face your doom.” The voice continued.

“Alright.” Penguins nodded and stepped towards the voice. Her magic light bubbles lit the way and illuminated a dog blocking her path. “Wait a minute…” frowned with a mix of suspicion and confusion. “I didn’t know the Chairman was a dog…”

“I’m not the Chairman!” the dog replied.

“Sweet merciful crap! A Talking dog!” Penguins yelped. “Oh my God! Can I keep you?”

The dog was taken aback. “What? No! I’m a fearsome guardian. I’m the terrifying Maddog!”

“Aww, you’re so cute.” Penguins cooed. “I’m going to call you Madpup!”

“Maddog! It’s Maddog!” Madpup sighed and shook his head. “Whatever.” He said. “If you want to pass you’re going to have to fight me.”

Laura sat down beside the mirror across from the Eerie, Eerie Goth and he handed her a butterscotch lolly. She unwrapped it and popped the sweet into her mouth. “So what’s your name?” Laura asked him. “And what are you doing down here?”

“My name is O’Malley.” The Eerie, Eerie Goth replied. “I like ze dark so ze Chairman let me live down here. But he never visits. I get lonely, you know?” O’Malley shook his head. “And now he’s gone and left me. Didn’t even ask me if I vanted to come.”

“You poor thing!” Laura was appalled. “You should give that piece of work a piece of your mind.”

Time to “Choose Your Way”!

Does Penguins

a) Fight Madpup

b) Try and play with him

Does Laura

a) Ask O’Malley (the Eerie, Eerie Goth) where the Chairman went

b) Try and talk the Eerie, Eerie Goth into going with her to find the Chairman so he can give him a “piece of his mind”.

Does Till Hammerette

a) Go to the Pirate Cove

b) Go to the Spooky Forest

Remember:

Everyone can vote on what each character will do but the person who the character is BASED ON will have their vote counted for two.

Tell me your choice in the comments.

Featured in this story are Laura, Till Hammerette, the Chairman, O'Malley and Maddog (although without his permission! Oops!)

Story Saturday: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Part Two

2011-04-02T20:36:00.002+11:00

Laura looked at Penguins and bit her lip. “If we go back to Till Hammerette she’d just glower at us, wouldn’t she?”

Penguins nodded slowly. “You’re right. Better try our luck with the trapdoor. If we’re lucky there will be something monstrous down there waiting to tear us to shreds and we well never have to face Till again.” She lifted the door and followed the steps down inside the trapdoor with Laura following closely behind.

Meanwhile, back upstairs in the abandoned room, Till Hammerette was reading through the Chairman’s diary. “Dear diary, Zella was mean to me again today. I want to feed her to the piranhas but mum always said that you should keep good subordinates. This guy’s an idiot!” Till exclaimed, “Half of this is ripped off from Rorschach’s diary in Watchmen and the rest is him complaining about his subordinates sarcasm!”

Till flicked through the book with irritation. It was only because of stupid Penguins that she was doing this. If she was leader instead of that silly tuxedo-wearing bird-brain then she wouldn’t be flicking through this stupid book.

Till stopped flicking suddenly and turned back a few pages. She had seen something. “What is this? Some kind of code?” she muttered, thinking deeply. “Wait a minute… this isn’t a code… This is just really bad German!” She cracked down translating it. Maybe Penguins was right. Maybe there was something useful in this diary after all.

It was dark down the trap door. Laura fumbled for a light switch but stopped when she realised she couldn’t even find a wall. “Penguins! I can’t see!” Laura tried to grab for her comrade but no one was in reach, nor could she find back the ladder she had climbed down. “Penguins! Where are you!” she wailed.

Penguins had wandered off. The darkness didn’t seem to bother her. Eventually she turned to where she thought Laura was by her elbow and said matter of factly “I can’t see.” She walked on a little bit further before stopping again. “If I can’t see I won’t be able to find any clues.” She voiced her realisation out loud.

Penguins thought about this for a while. “I know!” she cried and spun around, sticking her fingers out in a V. “Super Magic Bubble Power!” she cried and blew out a cascade of bubbles, each filled with a glowing light.

“That’s better.” Penguins said, satisfied. She looked around her. She was at a T intersection in a corridor. To the right the passage had been stacked with several boxes and was strung with cobwebs, but the corridor was still manoeuvrable. To the left was the passage was empty. Laura was not at her elbow as she thought. Somewhere down the corridor to the left, something growled.

A soft, far off light lit up down a corridor, giving Laura just enough light to see the vague features around her. Far to her right was the ladder she and Penguins had come down. There seemed to be a collection of tables and shelves in the room and, a short distance to her left, there was a wall with a light switch on it.

Relieved, Laura skipped over to the light switch a flicked it, illuminating the room. “That light must have been Penguins.” She thought aloud and took a few steps towards the corridor the light had come from but an out of place flicker of silver caught her attention from the far side of the room. “I wonder what that could be?” she muttered.

Till Hammerette slammed the diary down on the table in triumph. “I know where you are, Chairman.” She grinned. “There are only two possible places you would have run.” She turned to fetch Laura and Penguins but hesitated.

Time to “Choose Your Way”!

Does Penguins

a) Go left

b) Go Right

Does Laura

a) Look for Penguins

b) Investigate the weird silvery flicker

Does Till Hammerette

a) Tell Laura and Penguins of her discovery

b) Screw Penguins and go search for The Chairman on her own

Remember:

Everyone can vote on what each character will do but the person who the character is BASED ON will have their vote counted for two.

Tell me your choice in the comments.

Featured in this story are Laura, Till Hammerette, the Chairman and Zella Kate also gets a mention in there.

Story Saturday: Choose-Your-Way-Adventure Part One

2011-03-19T17:18:00.005+11:00

The Chairman’s Journal.

March 19th, 2011.

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' And I'll look down, and whisper 'no.' They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men. Decent men, who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloody hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers, and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say.

All we can do now is break it down and start again.

Penguins threw down the diary and looked around the deserted room. Only hours before the room would have been full of activity, but now only a table, an empty bookshelf and a couple of chairs remained. “He’s always one step ahead of us.”

“We could have been here on time but you just had to stop at that bakery.” Till Hammerette snapped.

“I had to stop!” Penguins argued. “It’s not everyday you see a 24 hour bakery!”

“Don’t worry.” Super Laura smiled. “We’ll catch him next time.” Till Hammerette turned to glare at her but Penguins nodded enthusiastically.

“Look, we even have a clue” Penguins pointed to the diary. “Don’t you think it’s lucky he forgot this?”

Till Hammerette rolled her eyes, “He obviously left it behind on purpose to taunt us, Penguins.”

“Holy plot-twist, Till!” Laura exclaimed, “You really think so?”

Even so, Penguins thought that there might be something useful in the Chairman’s diary. Even if he had left it there on purpose, it was still a clue. She handed the diary to Till, “Have a look through it anyway. There might be something useful.” Till took the book but glared back grudgingly. Penguins turned to Laura, “Let’s look for clues in the next room.”

It didn’t take long for the pair to come across a trapdoor hidden beneath a rug. Penguins and Super Laura exchanged a look. “Well? Do we go down?” Penguins asked Laura.

Do they go down? Time to “Choose Your Way”!

Do Laura and Penguins

a) Go down the trapdoor

b) Go back and get Till Hammerette

Does Till Hammerette

a) Grudgingly look over the diary like Penguins told her

b) Screw Penguins and the diary and go search for The Chairman on her own

Remember:

Everyone can vote on what each character will do but the person who the character is BASED ON will have their vote counted for two.

Tell me your choice in the comments.

Depending on how many votes I get the next installment will either be tomorrow or the next day.

(Also, bonus points to whoever knows where the diary entry is from)

Irrational Fears

2011-03-17T19:59:00.004+11:00

I know I've done a list of scary things before but these aren't just scary things, these are things I'm seriously and ridiculously scared of and irrationally paranoid about. Also, recycling old blog posts is what I do best.

Zombies: Did you know there is a type of virus in the Amazon that controls the minds of ants? And according to the Chairman there is a type of parasite that lives in rats but only breeds in the intestines of cats so it infects the rats brain and makes it run towards the cat instead of away? Zombies are real and its totally likely that human varieties will become possible. I have a zompocalypse plan and a back up plan (Bunnings Warehouse).
Velocoraptors: I was watching some ridiculous countdown show and it said that Jurassic Park had been "scientifically proven" to be one of the most likely Sci-Fi movies to come true, after all, we do have cloning techniques and preserved specimens of dinosaur DNA. All we need now is someone dumb enough to try cloning one. And seriously people, velocoraptors CAN OPEN DOORS! What isn't to fear?
Evil ninjas with jetpacks: Watching GI-Joe with the Chairman and he made some comment that I can't even remember now and OMG!! Suddenly Evil ninjas with jetpacks were the most terrifying thing imaginable. Imagine coming up against an evil ninja with a jetpack? You just couldn't fight that thing.
the Corpse Dancing crow from InuYasha that lives in the tree outside my window: Also known as the Shibugarasu this is a Crow demon that possesses corpses and controls them. And it lives outside my window. I swear, it looks just like it. I liked crows before I met this thing, now I freak out every time I hear one.
Jack Nicholson: How is this man not terrifying? Even when he's older he's still terrifying? Doesn't his face say "I'm going to murder you in your sleep, and there is nothing you can do about it." He was a volunteer firefighter and really did break down that door in the Shining (and he destroyed the prop door in one swing!). Now I know not even a fire door could keep an axe wielding Jack Nicholson at bey and that's the type of Jack Nicholson you most want to keep at bey (followed by the Joker and the mobster from the Departed). Despite this, he is a brilliant actor and I love his stuff (but I still almost wet myself in the Bucket List).
Wrists: They're all veiny and... um... I cannot explain, let alone justify, this fear.

No Story Saturday. Again.

2011-02-28T15:45:00.003+11:00

This is just a quick post to tell you all how sorry I am that there isn't going to be any Story Saturday for two weeks in a row. Last Saturday I was visiting my amazing friend, Lara Lou (who featured in the last few stories), for her birthday and this coming Saturday I am going to be on a Field study at a heritage mining site.
Hopefully this break means that I'll actually put some proper work into the story and be a little organised.
When I finally do write it, it is going to be a Superhero themed Choose-Your-Way adventure in short installments over several days. Thus far I am planning roles for Zella, Till Hammerette and the Chairman, who weren't in the last story, and Laura, who only vaguely featured.
Since it's choose-your-way-adventure here's how it's going to work (if all works out well):

At the end of each installment each character will be faced with a choice.
EVERYONE can vote on what each character will do
You will tell me your choice in the comments
the person who the character is BASED ON will have their vote counted for two.

If all works out well and I don't have anything else crop up, I will have the story for you on the 12th.

Story Saturday: Part Two of the Zompocalypse

2011-02-19T20:58:00.004+11:00

This is part two of the Zompocalyse. If you haven't read part one, it's the previous post.

It had been four days since the rag-tag team of plucky survivors had come together and had fled from O’Malley’s dilapidated house. For four days they had been on the run, pursued by hordes of the undead. The group had taken refuge in an abandoned Starbucks but they were running low on ammunition and it wouldn’t be long before their defences gave way.

Penguins guarded the window while Pieman kept watch over the front entrance. Donut had found his way onto the roof through a hole in the ceiling and had positioned himself as sniper and look out. O’Malley took residence in the centre of the store, diligently preparing Molotov Cocktails for when they would make their escape. Tom and Lara Lou had gone out for supplies hours earlier and were yet to return.

Donut’s voice drifted down to the others through the ceiling “Well, we're standing by here at Zombie-Watch '11 headquarters, and we've had some pretty big developments - ,”

“Shut up, Donut.” Pieman interrupted. He was getting sick of Donut’s constant commentary on the situation.

“The Zombie Alert Level has been raised from yellow to orange,” Donut continued, “indicating an 'elevated' chance of zombie-related incidents - ,”

“Shut UP, Donut.” Penguins spoke in unison with Pieman.

“...and we've just gone to ZombieCon 2, the second highest level of zombie preparedness. The atmosphere is tense and highly charged as we all anxiously await word - ,”

“SHUT UP, DONUT!” O’Malley shouted in harmony with Pieman and Penguins.

For a few moments Donut was silent, but it didn’t last long. “There’s someone approaching!” he yelled down to his friends, “I think its Tom and Lara! But they’re being pursued.”

Lara stumbled and fell. The box of supplies she was carrying spilt onto the ground. Tom stopped and ran back for her. “Come on, Lara, we’ve got to hurry! The zombies are after us.” He grabbed her hand and tried to hurl her to her feet.

“My ankle…” Lara clung to Tom’s arm as he helped her towards their hideout as quickly as he could manage. “I’m sorry.” Lara collapsed as they reached the door to the building. “I can’t. I’ll slow you all down.”

“No! It’ll be fine.” Tom protested, “If we just get you inside…”

“And then what?” She argued, “The zombies will break in eventually and I’ll end up getting you all killed. No. You’ve got to go. Get everyone away from here.”

Tom tried to object but Lara tore open the door and pushed Tom inside, slamming it behind him. “I’m sorry, everyone.” She wiped her eyes and drew her pistol. “We’ll meet again when this is all over. I swear.”

She fired several shots towards the zombie hordes. “Come on Zombies! Follow me!” Lara hobbled away from the building hiding her friends leading the zombies with her. It was obvious that she didn’t have enough bullets, her aim wasn’t good enough, and that she was moving too slow…

“Guys, we’ve got to go.” Tom recovered from Lara’s heroics in time to take command.

“Okay.” Pieman nodded, “Penguins, clear that back window. We’ll go out through there.” Pieman glanced between Tom and the empty space beside him. “Where’s Lara?”

“I… I…” Tom bit his lip. “I couldn’t convince her to come. She… She’s buying us time…”

“I’m sure you did everything you could.” Pieman comforted him, “Lets not let her effort be in vain.”

“Yes, you‘re right.” Tom nodded. “O’Malley? Are those Molotov Cocktails ready yet?”

“What?” O’Malley seemed defensive, “I’m not sharing my cocktails with you.”

“O’Malley, if we’re going to get out of this we need to work together.” Tom grabbed one of the cocktails away from O’Malley. “Wait a minute… this is empty?” Tom grabbed the other cocktails and looked in them. “They’re all empty! What have you been doing?” O’Malley burped loudly. “Oh my God! Did you drink these?” Tom couldn’t believe he knew someone so dumb.

“We’ll just have to do without explosives.” Pieman dragged Tom towards the back window before he could murder O’Malley. Penguins and Donut were already waiting outside. “Come on, we’ve got to run.” Tom urged his friends forward, “we can’t let Lara’s sacrifice be in vain.”

“Wait a minute…” Donut stopped. “Where’s O’Malley?”

The group looked around, puzzled. Far behind them they saw O’Malley standing mere feet away from the approaching zombie hordes, drunk and completely oblivious. Penguins screamed, trying to grab his attention while Donut tried to run back for him but Pieman restrained him. When O’Malley finally did look over at them he only gave them a drunken wave.

Donut broke free of Pieman’s hold and ran towards him friend. “No! Donut, don’t!” Pieman pursued the boy.

As the first zombie reached O’Malley tears began to roll down Penguins face. O’Malley didn’t even react when the zombie grasp him shoulder, responding with a polite “hello” and withdrawing a cigar which he drunkenly lit. Being pulled into the midst of the zombie horde, he pressed the cigar to his mouth and took a deep breath in.

The cigar sparked and one spark was drawn down O’Malley’s windpipe where it meet some of the cocktail O’Malley had consumed only moments before; the Molotov cocktail made of petrol.

O’Malley instantly exploded in violent (yet epic) slow motion. The explosion ripped through nearby zombies and ignited a conveniently located petrol station with the resulting explosion knocking down buildings, blocking the zombies’ path.

Pieman grabbed Donut and threw him to the ground, using his own body as a shield to protect Donut. As the explosion ripped through Pieman’s body one thing was certain: O’Malley was dead and Pieman’s life also stood in the balance.

“Pieman! Are you alright?” Penguins ran towards her friend. Pieman was bleeding badly and covered in server burns.

“I… I can’t go on.”

“No, Pieman! Pull yourself together man!” Tom was helping Donut to his feet.

“I can’t.” Pieman said weakly. “My legs have been blown right off.”

“Oh…” Tom winced. “Uh. Why don’t you, uh… You wait here.” He awkwardly patted Pieman on the top of the head and began to walk away, leading Penguins and Donut with him.

“Wait a minute!” Pieman called after them, “You can’t just leave me here! I’m still alive, you know!”

“You’ll just slow us down!” Tom picked up a rock and threw it behind him.

“Ah! My face! O’Malley was right when he called you the jerk!” Tom picked up another rock and lopped it towards Pieman. “Ha! You missed!” Pieman called.

“Wait here.” Tom told Donut and Penguins before heading back towards Pieman. There was a loud thump, crunching of bone. Tom returned covered in blood.

“Sweet merciful crap! What the Hell did you just do?” Penguins freaked.

“It was for the good of the group.” Tom told her.

“For the good of the group?! You just killed Pieman!”

“He would have slowed us down, then we would all be dead.”

“What makes you think you get to make that decision? Who made you the leader?” Penguins stuck out her chin, defiantly. “Maybe I should make my own group. I’d lead it properly.”

“Your own group? Huh!” Tom had never heard anything more ridiculous.

Days ago you didn’t even know there was a zombie apocalypse going on! Throughout this whole ordeal have you once done anything constructive? In fact, have you ever, in your whole entire life, done anything worth doing?” Tom turned to Donut. “Now, if you want a level headed, logical leader who will help us survive, follow me. Otherwise, you can go with this fool here and piss off!”

“Right-o.” Donut turned and walked away.

“Well?” Tom turned back to Penguins.

“Well what?”

“Are you going to leave already?” Tom asked her with frustration.

“No... I want the logical, surviving leader option. I’m staying with you!”

“Ugh!” Tom facepalmed.

Somehow Tom and Penguins had found their way to a military encampment. Although now abandoned, the place was loaded with weapons and ammunition. It was a good thing too, as the duo had just become engaged in the greatest battle of their lives.

Millions of zombies surrounded the defenses and were climbing over the barricades but Tom and Penguins were armed to the teeth.

“Die zombies!” Tom screamed, firing rounds into the zombies. “I am not your worst nightmare. I am your EVERY nightmare.”

“Do you really think zombies dream?” Penguins frowned.

“Uh…” Tom decided to ignore the question, “Quick, fall back to the next perimeter! I’ll man the MG. Get the flamethrower.

The two fell back, leaping over a waist high concrete barrier. After emptying the clip, Tom threw his useless rifle into the zombie and manned a machine gun. Penguins suited up in flame thrower gear and started laying into the zombies, spewing fire into the zombie ranks, demolishing them but on the heroes flank, a wire fence is pushed down and zombies began to spill into this area of the fortifications.

“Pull back Penguins! I’ll cover you!” Tom swings the machine gun to face the zombies and begins to fire into them, the machine gun jams. “Penguins! You gotta pull back! My guns jammed! They’re coming!” but Penguins couldn’t hear her friend’s urgent calls.

Tom tried to leap over the sandbags in front of his Machine Gun to get to Penguins, but tripped over an ammunition belt. As he pulled himself up he was in time to see the zombies close in around Penguins.

A zombie reached out to bite her but its head exploded in a shower of blood and bone. The other zombies around her quickly suffered the same fate leaving Penguins amidst the debris, her face painted with shock.

Tom looked about to see who or what had saved Penguins. A figure stepped through the smoke wielding a Tesla cannon.

“Pieman?” Penguins asked.

“Don’t worry, Penguins. I’ll get you out of this mess.” Pieman nodded to the Damsel in Distress.

“Pieman?!” Tom couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Pieman turned to look at him. “Oh. It’s you.”

“Pieman! Ha!” Tom cheered. “The old gang is getting back together again! We might just get through this yet, Penguins!”

“What do you mean by ’we’?” Pieman replied spitefully. “You left me to die in the cold. Bleeding to death. You threw a rock at me. You stamped on my throat. There is no we.”

“Ha, ha...” Tom chuckled nervously “That was in the past though, we need each other... you know that, safety in numbers... I have stacks of food and ammunition. When that thing-“ he pointed to Pieman’s Tesla cannon, “runs out of power you’ll need me.”

Pieman scoffed. “The Tesla cannon is powered by epicness. It runs itself.” He stepped forward and wrapped his arm around Penguins waist, “Much like my jetpack.”

His jetpack bursts to life and flies him and Penguins away, leaving Tom all by himself.

“Oh, Pieman!” Penguins swooned. “Have my babies!”

“I can’t believe it’s going to end like this.” Tom cried “All alone. No one around me.” He checked his clip. One bullet left. The zombies had closed in around him and he couldn’t reach the mass supplies of ammunition, only metres away. He collapsed to the ground, sobbing, and pressed the gun beneath his chin.

Somewhere, a distant beeping started up and grew louder and louder. Tom lifted his head to see that every single zombie had stopped being zombie-ish and were checking their watches.

“What?” Tom wasn’t sure what was going on. The zombies started milling around and talking to each other. Sharing pats on the back and hi fiving each. “What?!” The zombies continued to congratulated themselves and one of them walked over to Tom, it was his old friend, Laura.

“Ha ha! You should have seen the look on your face!” She laughed, obviously no longer a zombie.

“What?!”

“Flash mob, dude.” Laura told him. “Didn’t you get the memo?”

“What?!”

“Um... you know a flashmob. Where people do something suddenly. We all pretended to be zombies...”

“What?” Tom was still confused “But zombies, they took over the Earth...”

“Oh no, see, that was just the Flash Mob. It’s all pretend see.”

“Pretend? But I’ve been travelling for months, living off rats,blowing zombies to bits with guns.”

“No no, you weren’t really shooting zombies. It’s pretend you see.”

“But I shot real guns at real zombies! People died! My friends, they really died!”

“Uh, no. Pretend. Seriously, what doesn’t this guy get?” Laura shook her head.

O’Malley walked up beside Laura, “Oh, hi Tom. Enjoying the fla-“

“What!?” Tom screamed “You exploded! Into millions of pieces. I saw it with my own eyes.”

O’Malley looked confused. “Don’t worry O’Malley, he just doesn’t understand that this was all pretend.” Laura informed him.

“But-“

“Hey guys.” Penguins and Pieman walked over, followed by Lara, her limp miraculously cured. Tom was lost for words. “That was awesome.” Pieman hi fived O’Malley.”

“Bu- but the horrors…” Tom stuttered. “The things I’ve been through. Why?! Why?! Why do this to me? Why!?”

Pieman shook his head. “Sometimes, my friend, for the lulz is a perfectly valid reason.

Featured in this is Lara Lou, Tom, Pieman, Donut, O'Malley and Laura

Next week's will be delayed for a few days as I'll be out of town for Lara Lou's birthday but according to the poll it looks like it's going to have a Superhero Choose-your-way Adventure. This means it's going to go over a few weeks and you get to pick your actions at the ending of each segment. Alternatively, I'll do shorter segments and do one a day. Tell me what you think.

Story Saturday: Part One of the Zompocalypse

2011-02-12T19:07:00.006+11:00

This story is based on a comic my brother O'Malley and I wrote and I illustrated (with stick figures) I've had to adapt it a bit by O'Malley still gets a lot of credit for this. Also, this is only the first part. Expect the second part next week.

No one expected it, no one saw it coming, some had tried to fight it, fight them, but they had failed. Small bands of survivors roamed the Earth, fighting for food, fighting for shelter, fighting to survive.

A rag-tag band of survivors nervously scurried down the street. The leader of the group, a young man, turned back to his two companions and waved for them to hurry up, “Come on guys, we have to at least check.” His name was Tom and it was only luck that he and his companions, Pieman and Lara Lou had survived.

“This is O’Malley we’re talking about.” Pieman shook her head. “What are the chances of him surviving when he’s always passed put on the floor?”

Lara agreed with Pieman, “I don’t like this. What if he’s infected?”

Tom didn’t respond. They had come to a stop outside a dilapidated house, with smashed windows, burnt out car bodies in the driveway, a lawn with grass that could reach a man’s shoulder and the roof falling in. “This is it.” Tom nodded towards the house.”

“It looks like the zombies got here before us.” Lara bit her lip.

“No... This is how it always is.” Tom approached the front door cautiously, knocked nervously, and waited anxiously.

“No one home?” Pieman asked.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Lara was uneasy. “We’ll check on Penguins. And then Donut,” she added, “We should check on him too. Does anyone know where he is?”

Pieman’s face went dark and far away thunder crashed. “No. No one knows where Donut is.”

Tom wasn’t paying any attention to their conversation. He turned the doorhandle, finding it unlocked, and went inside. Lara looked apprehensively between the open door and the empty street. The sounds of soft groans could be heard in the distance. Pieman put a hand on Lara’s shoulder. “It’s safer inside then out.”

Loud metalcore blasted as O’Malley discharged a round of machine gun fire at a group of zombies. “Die zombies! Die!” O’Malley grabbed out duel Uzis and blasted a group of zombies, achieving headshots each time. A zombie lunged out to bite O’Malley, only to receive a grenade in its mouth. “You just got pwnd!” O’Malley shouted as the zombie exploded. He emptied his akimbo glocks into even more zombies before resorting to his katana, decapitating zombies left and right.

Tom, Pieman and Lara stared at O’Malley in disbelief. He was sitting on his living room floor playing a video game. The floor around him was littered in empty bottles of beer, vodka, whisky, and even one bottle of mentholated spirits. “Boom! Headshot!” O’Malley cried.

“Uh… O’Malley?” Tom caught O’Malley’s attention.

“Oh, hey guys!” O’Malley replied without looking up from his game, “You’re just in time to see me pwn some Z Heads! What’s up anyways? It’s strange for you all to drop by.”

There was more staring in disbelief. “Uh…” Lara wasn’t entirely sure what to say, “Have you been outside... uh... at all... in like... three weeks?”

“Um... sure. I went outside, uh... ROCKET WHORE! When was comic-con on again?” O’Malley replied, distracted by his game.

“That was last June!”

“Yeah, then.”

“It’s February”

The door swung open dramatically and the group sprung to their feet, ready for some action. Instead their friend, Penguins, stepped through the doorway. “Sweet Merciful Crap!” she cried, “What the hell is going on outside?”

“At least someone has noticed.” Lara said to Pieman, dryly.

“How long has it been since you mowed your lawn!” Penguins asked and Lara facepalmed.

Tom was beginning to wonder how he had such stupid and ignorant friends. “Listen for a minute!” He said, exasperated, “Outside zom-“

“BAM! SLAUGHTERED!” O’Malley interrupted.

“We’re in the midst of a zompo-“

“Mow your lawn, cock bite.” Penguins slapped the back of O’Malley’s head.

“There are friggin’ zombies outside!” Tom screamed.

O’Malley jumped to his feet, so excited he forgot to pause his game. “Quick! We need to initiate zombie contingency plan 11.5 Beta 3.0. I’ll start by assigning roles.” O’Malley straightened his shirt in a way that he thought made him look professional. “Lara, you’ll be Helpless Female. Penguins you’ll be-“

“Final Girl!” Penguins cheered.

“Pfft.” O’Malley dismissed the idea, “You’re the helpless female who dies at the beginning. You can die in a shower scene.”

“Hey-“ Penguins tried to protest.

“As for me,” O’Malley continued “I’ll be the super leet hacker zombie expert. And if Left for Dead taught me anything it’s that groups must be made up of four main characters.”

“... But there are five of us...”

O’Malley withdrew a shotgun and pointed it at Tom, his eyes dead serious. “Four. Main. Characters.”

Lara hit O’Malley over the back of the head. “Put that away.”

"What are the prerequisites for this four man team?” Tom muttered. “That you be f@#%ing insane?"

O’Malley apologised and lowered the gun. “Well, if we’re going to have more than four people we’re going to need to do it. We’ve got to…” O’Malley paused dramatically, “Defrost Donut.”

“No way! It’s too soon!” Pieman was horrified. “Are you insane?”

“Sanity is for the weak!” O’Malley cried. “It is the only way!” He walked over to a picture hanging on the wall and he took it down to reveal a wall safe. Opening the safe, he typed a thirteen digit code into a number pad, causing the wall to slide apart revealing a high tech laboratory. O’Malley cut his hand with a knife and a let a drop of blood fall onto a platen. There was a whir and a cryogenic chamber housing Willy rose from the laboratory floor.

“Weird…” Lara breathed.

The glass door of the chamber defrosted and the door opened. Donut jumped out “WATZAAAP!!!”

“Yo! How you been?” O’Malley greeted the defrosted youth only to receive an icy glare in response.

“You froze me. For six months. Against my will. Upside down.”

“Oh, right…”

“Without pants.”

Pieman frowned. “Actually you had pants when we froze you.”

There was an awkward silence which, eventually, O’Malley broke. “Um… Will can be comic relief guy! You get to die half way through!”

Tom rolled his eyes. “O’Malley you’re being stupid. Can you cut the crap?”

“Jerk!” O’Malley declared, “You die after comic relief!”

“How is this going to help?” Pieman agreed with Tom.

“Pessimist! Dies next!” O’Malley finished assigning roles. “Okay, now onto phase two of preparation, but first, something to drink.” He looked through the bottles lying on the floor and, after finding them all empty, raided the liquor cabinet.

Lara used this opportunity of silence from O’Malley to say something. “Donut, I realize we are in the midst of a zompocalypse and that we will inevitably face a battle of world ending proportions and that our rag-tag band of plucky survivors must stand against the undead hordes as humanities last chance of salvation, and that at any moment any one of us could be killed... but for the love of god, put some pants on!”

“I miss my pants. They were awesome.” Donut replied sadly.

“Whatever.” O’Malley uncapped a gin bottle and waved off their unnecessary commentary. “Now to pick our kits;” He took a swig straight from the bottle, “Pieman, you get a machete and a 12 gauge shotgun. Girls, you both get a simple pistol which you should drop when danger comes approaching, silly helpless females.”

“Can we at least get baseball bats?” Penguins asked.

“Girls can’t play baseball.” O’Malley replied.

Lara rolled her eyed. “I’m not even going to begin on how sexist this is becoming...”

“I may not be able to hit a baseball,” Penguins replied, but I sure can hit other balls.” O’Malley didn’t seem certain of what she was implying so Penguins kicked Donut in the balls to demonstrate.

“She only hurts me ‘cause she loves me!” Donut cried, his eyes full of tears.

“Oh! Oh my! You- You can have your bats!” O’Malley gawped at Donut. “Please don’t hurt me. Jerkface can have a flamethrower.”

“Flamethrowers are illegal.” Lara informed him.

“Ugh! The geneva convention ruined warfare! They banned all the fun weapons.” He complained. “Fine, you can have a shotty too. I’ll get a heavy bolter, hunting shotgun, numerous vials of the antidote and of course the infamous Zombie Killing Machine 2000. Donut, you can have the autoshotgun, AKA the noob cannon,” He looked at Donut withering on the ground, “because you’re going to need it.” O’Malley went on to explain what the plan was.

There was a stunned pause after O’Malley had finished his briefing. Everyone stared at him in disbelief. Tom spoke first, choosing his words carefully in order not to offend O’Malley. “I’d have to check, but by my estimate, the number of helicopter gunships we have may be as few as zero.”

“Only an insane person would be proud of that plan.” Lara said, less tactfully.

“I feel pretty proud...”

“Point proven.”

Suddenly the group because aware of the sounds of groaning and moaning outside. “The Zombies are attacking!” Pieman realised.

“What do we do? They’re breaking in!” Penguins panicked.

“Quick!” O’Malley took charge. “Penguins! Into the shower!”

“We need to escape while we can.” Tom thought it was better to finally take command away from O’Malley.

“O’Malley never runs from a fight!” O’Malley cried.

“Uh…” Lara grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him towards the back door. “We’re not running… We’re going to the, uh, next level. Yeah. The next level.”

“Next level!” O’Malley cheered, “What are we waiting for! Come on Donut, let’s go!”He grabbed his friend by the hand and they charge off into the sunset.

Hope you enjoyed part one of the Story Saturday zompocalypse. Part two next week.

Featured were Tom, Lara Lou, Pieman, O'Malley and Private Donut.

Story Saturday: Horror

2011-02-05T15:50:00.005+11:00

It turns out that this is much longer than I intended but I hope its good enough to keep you interested until the end. Enjoy!

Penguins was bored. This wasn’t unusual for a Friday night, since all she usually did was sit around on Facebook chatting to her friend, Tom. But tonight since Tom had decided to get off Facebook and get a life Penguins was left sitting around on Facebook, chatting to no one and she didn’t expect him to appear again at any point in this story. Penguins decided it was probably best if she got off the computer as well and she wandered into the lounge room to see how her siblings had decided to entertain themselves that Friday evening.

The Chairman was lying on the couch reading (his third Terry Pratchett for the night) while Lara Lou (the only sensibly named sibling) stared dreamily at Angel while watching Buffy. Penguins shrugged and sat down. “Put on an episode with Spike in it.”

Lara didn’t even have time to change the disk before there was a knock at the door. Penguins sprung up to answer it with her brother and sister trailing behind. “Wazzup!?” the trio were greeted by their hyperactive, overenthusiastic friend, Private Donut. “Guys! I heard there was a hidden treasure hidden in the haunted house, over way. Want to go check it out?” he said, without giving them a chance to respond.

The siblings glanced at one another and the Chairman punched Donut in the nose. “Ow! What was that for?” Donut clutched at his face.

Penguins rolled her eyes. “Last week you told us, and I quote ‘It's been pointed out to me lately that I'd be that dumbass character in the horror movie who convinces their friends to go into the haunted house under the impression they'll be just fine. And on that note, if I ever try to do so, just punch me in the face.’ We’re just carrying out your bidding.”

Donut didn’t seem to hear. “So now that we’ve got my perfect four man team together, let’s get going!”

“Is it a mistake if I ask him what his perfect four man team is?” Lara whispered to the Chairman.

“Well,” Donut replied, somehow overhearing, “I’m glad you asked. I’ll be the comic relief guy. You three are the jerk, the final girl and the bitchy chick I’m always hitting on.”

“Donut, I’m not being the bitchy chick you’re always hitting on.” Penguins told him, dryly.

“Why do you think you’re the bitchy one?” Lara asked her sister.

Donut looked at Lara for a second before turning to Penguins, “She just doesn’t understand our love.” Penguins punched him in the nose.

“At least you get to be final girl, Lara.” Penguins said, bitterly.

“Final girl?” Donut recovered from the face-punch surprisingly quickly, “Lara’s the Jerk. The Chairman is the Final Girl.” In the end, no one was happy (except for Donut who was very pleased).

“Are we sure we want to be doing this?” Penguins whispered, looking up the cobbled path in front of them.

“I can’t believe we let Donut talk us into this.” Lara whispered back. They were outside the haunted house and it seemed to stare down on them with hunger and wrath.

“This is such a bad idea.” The Chairman said. “Can I punch Donut again?”

Donut was about to bite back (probably literally. You can’t trust that guy) but he never got the chance. “Hello everyone! ♥” Cried a cheerful voice from behind them. “Whatcha doing?” Donut’s Four Man Team turned around to see a jovial girl in a Collingwood jersey waving at them. A shyer girl stood a little distance behind her cradling an armful of books.

“Hi Laura. Zella.” The Chairman nodded at the two girls. “How you going?”

“We’re about to explore the haunted house. Want to come?” Donut asked, putting on a macho voice that didn’t really suit him. “There’s supposed to be treasure in there.”

“Oooh!” Laura oohed. “That sounds like fun!”

“I’m not so sure…” Zella began to protest but before she could finish Laura and Donut had already dragged the group inside.

Inside it was both eerie and dusty, but mostly dusty. And kind of dark and dank as well. It wasn’t very pleasant. Penguins wasn’t impressed that she had been dragged here. Although, there was a spiral staircase to one side of the foyer that Penguins found pretty awesome. Donut immediately bounded up them with Laura following after him.

“Shouldn’t we go after them?” Zella asked when she realised no one else had bothered to move.

"No, let them go. If we're lucky, Donut, at least, will die a horrible death and we'll never have to see him again." The Chairman said offhandedly.

They did end up following after the two, because, really, who doesn’t want to climb a spiral staircase? But at the top of the stairs they were nowhere to be seen. They were in a long hallway with five doors leading off it. “Perhaps we should each search a room for them. It’ll be quicker that way.” The Chairman suggested. “We’ll all take the last door.”

“Are you trying to get yourself murdered?” Penguins replied. “You are in a haunted house and you’re suggesting we split up?”

“You take movies to seriously, Penguins.” Lara said, agreeing with the Chairman and entering the doorway closest to her. Zella and the Chairman each chose a doorway and did the same thing.

“Uh…” Penguins was still hesitant but staying alone in the hallway was just as likely to get her killed as going into a strange room. She opened the fourth door and found… a bathroom. A plain ordinary bathroom that was entirely empty. Except… there was a sound from the sink. Penguins edged over to it nervously. What if it was full of blood? Slowly, bitting her lip and with one eye closed, she peeked at what was inside.

“Eek!” Penguins screeched. “Maggots!” That was just as big a horror movie cliché as blood!

“Penguins! Are you okay?” The Chairman came running in with Zella close behind him. “What happened?”

Penguins didn’t get time to respond before they heard Lara scream. The three darted to the room Lara had entered earlier. She stood in front of an open closet staring inside with utter horror. “G… guys…?” she breathed as the others joined he by the closet. “I think we’d better get out of here…”

Inside the closet was Laura, her throat slit and her eyes glazed over.

“No.” the Chairman groaned. “Why couldn’t Donut have died instead?”

“We have to get out of here!”

“We can’t leave without Donut.”

“I knew it. We’re all going to die.”

A clatter came from the hallway causing the four to jump. “If we’re going to die, I’m going to let someone know where to find our bodies.” Penguins whispered while the others searched for anything that could be used as a weapon. “Does anyone have a phone?”

The Chairman and Zella both shook their heads. “I’m out of credit.” Lara shrugged, finding a fire-poker in the corner of the room.

“Then I hope this place has easily hack-able WiFi.” Penguins pulled out her iPod Touch.

Three attempts later Penguins tried the password “die_die_die!” and had logged onto the WiFi network and connected to Facebook.

“Hey! A broadsword!” Zella found herself a weapon. The Chairman armed himself with a baseball bat.

“Okay.” Lara said, sounding more confident than she felt, “Now that we’re ready, lets go investigate that sound.

The hallway was empty but the far door, the one yet to be investigated, now hung wide open. “Do… do you think Donut might be in there?” Zella asked. The group raised their weapons and shuffled forward nervously.

“Hi guys!” Donut said cheerfully. He stood in the middle of the room smiling at them.

"Wait, you're still alive? Well, sh - I mean, oh good." The Chairman greeted Donut less than enthusiastically.

The room they were standing in took creepiness to the next level. The room was round with doors the whole way round. “Guys, isn’t this place awes–” before Donut could finish his sentence the door behind his swung open and an axe came flying through the air, embedding itself in Donut’s head.

The girls screamed and the Chairman cheered. A dark figure stepped through the doorway. “Who… who are you?” Zella stuttered. The figure stepped into the light, revealing him to be a rugged man cradling a ventriloquist doll in his arms.

“I am Till Hammerette.” The ventriloquist doll said. “And this is O’Malley.” The doll gestured to the man holding her.

“Why did you kill our friends?” Lara asked, still feigning confidence.

Till Hammerette laughed, “That’s what I –”

“Penguins! I’m here to save you!” a holler came from behind them and a man came charging through them towards O’Malley and Till Hammerette.

“Tom?” Penguins stared at the man in awe.

“I saw you Facebook message! I’m here to save you!”

O’Malley pulled the axe from Donut’s head and swung it, severing Tom’s head from his body. “Wow. That was kind of like in the Shining.” The Lara commented.

“And now to kill the rest of –!” A masked man crashed through the ceiling, once again interrupting Till Hammerette, and landed before O’Malley, striking an awesome pose.

“O’Malley, Till Hammerette. I am here to stop you!” the masked man declared, drawing his rocket propelled chainsaw launcher.

“Who is that mysterious hero?” Penguins swooned.

“That’s Pieman!” Zella exclaimed. “But I thought he was just a legend!”

“Make your escape.” Pieman told the group and Penguins swooned again. “I’ll handle things from here.”

The Chairman nodded and grabbed hold of his flustered sister. Zella opened the nearest door and they ran inside to the sounds of a chainsaw starting up.

And there was the treasure. It had to be. What else sat inside golden, jewel embossed, chests? In fact, the chest could have been the treasure itself, but Penguins had to check. What if there was something more valuable inside? Penguins stepped forward and flicked the latch, lifting the lid of the chest.

“Wow.” Zella breathed.

“Is that what I think it is?” the Chairman’s eyes where wide.

“What’s so great about it?” Lara asked.

Zella, Penguins and the Chairman all stared to look at her. “Lara,” Penguins said as if she were speaking to a small child, “that’s the lost manuscript of H.G. Wells’ last book. It’s rumoured to be the greatest science fiction novel of all time!”

“It’s a sci-fi novel that I haven’t read!” the Chairman said, trying to express the importance of the manuscript to Lara.

Zella stepped forward and reached out to the manuscript. “This is one of the greatest literary discoveries in history!” as she touched the manuscript a trapdoor opened up beneath the four and they tumbled outside like a blind homeless man stumbling into a high school prom. That is to say, very suddenly, and with a sense of both panic and confusion.

“We’re outside!” Lara cheered. “We’re saved!”

“No! The manuscript!” Zella cried. “It’s the only copy of H.G. Wells’ last novel. We can’t leave it.” Before anyone could say ‘Going back in there is stupider than letting Pvt. Donut’ Zella had run back into the house.

Lara looked at Penguins and the Chairman in disbelief. The Chairman shrugged, “H.G. Wells.”

“Sorry.” Penguins told her sister, “Only copy.” They both disappeared back into the house after Zella.

I'm pretty sure everyone who gave permission was in this story but in the future I won't use everyone in each story. Thanks to Pieman, the Chairman, Lara Lou, Laura, O'Malley, Pvt. Donut, Till Hammerette, Tom and Zella for letting me use you.

Next week Zompocalyse!

Story Saturday

2011-01-29T20:58:00.005+11:00

My friend, Anticipation, is pushing me to start the flash fiction story that I mentioned quickly in my previous post. The idea is that I'll write a story each week using you, my followers as the characters. Some of you know Scott who used to do this on his blog, Ergo, before it got deleted.
If you want to be a character please give me permission to use you in the comments.
I hope to have a story out next Saturday so if you want to be in it please let me know soon. I'm tying to decide on starting with a zombie apolalypse themed story, a horror, or a superhero story. What would you like to see?
A while ago in this blog post these stock-standard horror movie roles were delegated. If I could get these people to participate and fulfil there roles, or if I could get some one to take their places, I'd be very happy:

[Zella] might even be final girl quality.
O'Malley you'll be the hero and save everyone, or, more likely, be the guy who turns evil and dies a horrible and painful death, or the guy who steals from the ancient tomb and dies a horrible and painful death, or the guy who dies first, a horrible and painful death.
Laura, you can go for help and disappear (maybe later we find you dead in a cupboard, it depends how reasonable you are through the movie.) Don't worry though, some of best characters die this way.
Chairman, you either [Be the little nerdy guy who doesn't want to be there and dies right at the end saving the hero and heroine.] like me or [die like] Laura. Or you know, you could be the hero, but it's unlikely.
Scott, you're probably the comic relief guy who dies halfway through. Or you could be the villain if you like. I'm sure you'll be fine with either of those.
L, I giving you the role of police officer or private investigator. You either come rushing in and die or solve the crime without saving anyone but yourself and the final girl.

So please, give me permission!